The Displaced African

Hey,

This crush continues! Should any of my posts ever be of no value to you, let me know and I will move on……the topics are many, it is the time that is little. It is the time that is little. Sunny from Project Sunshine wrote to me and asked me to write a letter where I basically gave men tips on how to treat women. I feel that to some extent I have already covered that with the article I wrote on the negative effects of hip hop and will probably extend that a bit more in the near future.

However, today I thought I would write a letter to the ladies. Why?

In the Western World Males are Bashed

This hasn’t hit at Africans as hard as say Caucasians but to a large extent, males in Western popular culture are put down. In the mass media, there are three overarching stereotypes of the modern day male:

1)Sex starved idiots who are basically at the beck and call of the women

2) Calm, collected ladies men who spread their seed wholesale up and down the world hemispheres with no regard for other people’s feelings.

3) The passive personality-less new age sensitive male who women should adore because he obsesses over them so much and can recite poetry while Donnell Jones croons in the background.

Now, as with all mass media stereotypes there is a lot left from the story. So for the time being dispel these stereotypes as I give you seven observations meant to help you understand and treat the men in your lives a little better.

1) Men Will Do More to Sleep with You or Get You to Fall in Love With Him than You Will Ever Know

Ladies, even in your wildest imaginations, you cannot even begin to dream about the amount of hard work that a man puts into getting you to fall in love or in lust with him. From the moment his heart flutters and/or the sex drive get firing, most males become calculating machines capable of processing gigabytes of information every second regarding women and sexuality.

A lot of men don’t really care about cars. But they care about looking good in them to impress you. A lot of men are not really that funny. But a lot of them will force themselves to learn how to be funny so they can laugh their way into you. Most of us men are blessed with no clue how to talk to you women. There are actually classes dedicated to teaching men how to approach and seduce and romance women. Hell, even I attended one (Fascinating is the word people, just fascinating).

If you are not sure who that man is acting up to impress, it’s you!!

2) Sex Drive

This one breaks my heart. Men are admonished in Western society as though we are bad dogs (bad pun, my bad) for having sex drives. Ladies the way a man knows if he’s healthy is if he wakes up every morning at the crack of dawn with a firm bundle of joy where his groin once was, ready to face the day.

If you want to begin to fathom the sex drive, imagine a tobacco addiction or an alcohol addiction. Now multiply that by 10. Make it an inborn innate, genetic part of your being. Suddenly activate it at around the age of 13 with no manual on how it runs. Then surround this individual with sexually titillating images and videos every single day of his existence. Understand ladies, the fact that we can even pull blood away from there long enough to actually know that you have a personality is really an act of self discipline.

The sex drive is there and it’s part of what makes a man, a man. Honour and respect that. Don’t admonish that which you do not understand.

3) Sex Appeal Comes First, Personality Second

This one will be a tough pill to swallow and so I will express it in a story I once heard which made me think, “You know I thought I was a new-age sensitive guy, I guess I might not be.”

First of all, ladies take a moment and think of the first person or one of the first people you ever fell head over heels for -whether or not it was returned-when you were in your youth. Hold that image in your head.

Now fellas, think of a woman who just made your heart perspirate and your sweat glands palpitate (??). Hold that image in your head.

Now ladies, I am willing to bet that for 95% of you the image you had in your head was of a man who was a leader at something. Either he was the wittiest, funniest, smoothest, best looking, fastest, strongest, most charismatic or he just had influence over a significant number of significant people. If not, he had promise of becoming someone great and significant in future. True or false? Chances are you didn’t think of that timid, shy young man who had no influence over anyone or anything but took the time to write you an earnest heart felt love note about how you were the rhythm of his heart.

Fellas. One question: This chick you had a crush on. Did you know what her goals or missions or ambitions were? Did you care about her leadership positions when you feel madly for her? For most of us, we see the woman and her physical attributes first. Second, we whiff the air to see if it smells of sex appeal or an alluring charisma or grace or femininity or maybe a certain je ne sais quoi that just makes her hot. The personality is really just icing on the cake.

Now I am an exception to this in that I fall madly for personality over the sex appeal but 9 times out of ten we don’t really need a smart woman. We don’t talk that much. We don’t need a witty woman. The house is for quiet time.

4) We are Bad Because You Taught Us to Be Bad

Bad boys are bad boys either because they were taught how to be bad by bad girls or because it was the only way they knew to get good girls. In the course of my life I have had the good fortune of going from a place of being a complete social outcast incapable of speaking to anyone of any sex to going to a place where I was an obnoxious loud son of a shut-your-mouth. You know what, I got more play when I was loud and obnoxious. Hell, the louder I am the more play I get.

As I write this, I have retreated into a quiet, relatively introspective fella and trust me, I get very little play from this. Behind every great player, there is that first woman that taught him how to play. Chose wisely which games to teach us.

5) We are Simple

As long as the basic physical needs are satisfied, a lot of men are good. I know that society would have you believe that a lot of us are more complex than that but not really. A lot of men don’t express their emotions because there isn’t much to express. Even the most emotionally complex males I know pale in comparison to the simplest women.

A nice meal, a girl whose happy, a home and to matter in the world. Give most of us that and we’re good to go.

6) Aggression is in Our Nature

We are aggressive and competitive, that’s just how we roll. If you watch small boys playing, even before they know who the Rock (if you have ever seen a better live performer, you are lying) is they know what wrestling is. That doesn’t end.

To try and ‘soften’ a lot of men is to change who they are at the core of their being. We are excited when we take on a challenge and win, even at the expense of our fellow man.

Next time you watch rugby, nod your head and say to yourself: ” So that’s what a man looks like in his natural habitat.”

7) We Compete Over Who Can Please Girls the Most

I made her scream in ecstacy three times men. Psssshhhh, that’s nothing major. I had her screaming the names of all the Indian Gods. You guys that’s nothing: I made her scream out my full name and driver’s license number, the number plate of my first car and the names of all the twelve disciples.

Leading on from the competitive nature, we compete over every aspect of relationships. Who is the smoothest? Who can get the prettiest girl? Who can make the prettiest girl happy? Who is the most skilled in the sack?

If you want to make a man’s day, start a rumor that he is the smoothest brother with the sexual prowess of a pack of wildebeests. He won’t forget you in a hurry.

This was yet another article that I have written in the flow. Uncensored from the deepest crevice of my love afflicted brain to your eyes. Should you feel you have something to say, leave a comment below or contact me and let me know what’s on your mind.

Now go home and make some love.

Be blessed and bless others,

Mwangi

Tags: female, male, relationships

This entry was posted on Thursday, February 28th, 2008 at 12:00 am and is filed under Beyond Mandingo: Having Super-Duper Relationships. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.