This blog post is about one of the first articles in the history of this blog, Jungle Fever: The Relationship Between African Men and White Women
A couple of things happened this week, that made me think about the Jungle Fever article:
1) The Direction of the Blogging
I am almost at the end of my blogging course, Blog Mastermind. As such I am thinking more and more about just what I will do once I have laid the foundation for this blog and have fully determined what this blog will be about.
After being in the blogosphere for a while I have seen that there are a few categories that are almost always guaranteed to get a lot of readers:
1) Sex and relationships: You can’t go wrong with this one on the Internet, you just can’t. Sad to say, but the cruder and more graphic you can be, the better.
2) Politics: I believe that if the Devil were to spit bile and mix it with the intestinal stew of a skunk, it would look a little bit like tribalism and irrational hate filled discussions about politics. However, there is no doubt: you want faces to come to your blog, talk about a controversial political issue.
3) Religion: This one surprised me. People love to talk about religion whether Eastern, Western or lack thereof.
4) Money: The key component to this one appears to be credibility. Once you have built credibility behind a particular brand and begin to talk about how people can make money or hustle a little smarter, you will get face time.
Back to the Set
Anyway, there I was sitting in a bookshop reading a book about blogging (I hope the irony of my spending my offline time studying the online world has not escaped you) I started to think about just how popular the Jungle Fever and other relationship articles had been.
I have talked in the past about spinning off the Displaced African and starting up a blog which is dedicated entirely to the exploration and discussion of foreign and mixed race relationships. I started thinking about this again, and thought it might be a good idea. Who knows? Watch this space……..
2) I Sent a Letter to an Editor
I have been sending emails to newspapers and online magazines and radio stations to try and get some publicity to the blog. I am not too proud to admit, I am doing it all wrong.
My microtest of about 15 media houses has produced below-mediocre results. If anyone has any tips on how I can approach African mass media right and get some publicity for the blog, hit me up on masmilele(at)thedisplacedafrican(dot)com
Anyway, one of the letters I sent to an online publication proposing that we discuss the Jungle Fever article on their publication. Their very courteous response in short was:
Thanks for the email. We think your article is a little too offensive and one sided for a publication like ours.
And so just like I responded to them, let me say to all of you:
It is BECAUSE the article is so offensive and one sided that it must be discussed
I Was Surprised
No one was more surprised than me by what the reaction so far has been to that article: whereas many white women have stopped by to tell me how narrow minded and stereotype-supporting the article was, the reaction from the African community can only be surmarised as:
a) Quite agreement
b) Outright support
Does that mean that we all agree that African men are pretty much scraping from society’s barrel as far as relationship and sexual partners are concerned?
Did I just verbalize something we all knew: that on the totem pole of society, African men are kissing the lowest part of the pole?
It’s one thing to stereotype and it’s another to point out the truth. So, read Jungle Fever now and you tell me, is it true? Does it resonate with your experience?
Secondly, how does the idea of a foreign and mixed race relationship blog sound? Does the blog exist? Leave a comment below with the link.
Have a great day/night,
Mwangi
Tags: African relationships, Interracial relationships, Jungle fever, mandingo fantasy, relationships, white women black men
How about starting a blog on relationships? Black, white, all kind? I think this would be interesting.
“Does that mean that we all agree that African men are pretty much scraping from society’s barrel as far as relationship and sexual partners are concerned?” at the risk of starting an unintended debate, I ask: Why is this the case? Who’s to blame?
@Pink M: No, that type of debate is exactly the type of debate I want to start. Why is this case if it is true? Could it be because we are perceived as low in society, after all aren’t women drawn to men who are slightly above their position in society more often than not. Could it be that we are reinforcing being that low on the totem pole.
The only reason I am not as enthusiastic about starting just a general relationship blog is because there are so many already e.g. danandjennifer.com (I think that’s the address). A site focussed just on interracial relationships and the idiosyncracies of that I have never heard of and can easily find a niche to dominate and where I am addressing a very specific group of people with very specific needs.
Thanks as always for the feedback.
Why not just do a blog relating to relationships in general? Writing just about jungle fever might become redundant. I am curious Mwangi, have you ever dated a white woman and if so does she fit into any of the stereotypes you have listed in the jungle fever article?
When you say: Does that mean that we all agree that African men are pretty much scraping from society’s barrel as far as relationship and sexual partners are concerned?
I am curious, would you not say that the vast majority of black men date black women? And if so why would you make the above comment? That comment just doesn’t sit well with me and if I was a black woman I would be fu*king pissed off.
@Caustic Blonde: I didn’t want to write JUST about Jungle Fever, I want to write about all aspects of being in relationships abroad, yeah I kind of have that fear too that if I focus on one narrow area it will eventually become redundant.
You see, as I said in the article, that’s what has surprised me, with the exception of the editors of that magazine, thus far, anytime I have discussed the article with an African person (male or female) there has been no disagreement and I find that fascinating, I at least expected some negative reaction like your expressing from African folks but so far……..nothing.
Yes, majority of black men do date black women, but every African man will tell you that one thing they all hear about coming in is how fresh the female bounty is abroad, it’s actually one of the selling points for young middle class and upper class males.
I think Mwangi writes beautifully. The way he dissects his topics using the microscope of human perception and the fact that he does that charmingly is something all Africans should be proud of. Mwangi doesn’t claim to have all the answers as he does not tell us of his personal experience in the subject( or if he has any) but sticks to the experience of others and what he perceives of their experience. Mwangi generally does well in expressing a very delicate issue in such a way that our senses are not bombarded with tasteless porn.
I have read my share of blogs dealing with issues of interracial relationships and I cant help wondering why stereotypes as the one traded by the white and black races( or yellow ones) still persist. One might say that my surprise borders on the frontiers of naivety or that I am not well versed in the intricacies of the modern racial engagement. I know that seeking a world where racial affinities mean nothing is like seeking a real batman in an existent Gotham. However, some of the posts I have read are down right degrading not only to the Africans but to the Caucasians.
That said the Mandingo Myth is an area of study which is still open to the prying needles of research. The slave trade is staggering evidence of the resilient muscles of the African. His endowment in less accessible regions is a matter which cannot be readily proved but which I agree with.
Mwangi however seems to have something against the caucasians who sweep our sisters off their feet. I wonder if that is deep seethed racial discrimination or the feeling a child gets when he has been conned of his candy. One way or the other the urge to taste something different or to know how the other side looks is an inherent curiosity, natural to everyone. Everyone with a genuine sense of adventure has wondered what it would be like. How would their lips taste. Do the bosoms feel a little different to the touch? Society, however has a way of dampening this search for the unknown; with ridiculous stereotypes the eager spirits are checked.
Mwangi is however right when he talks sadly about the genetic and aesthetic issue. Is white the main criteria of judging what and who is beautiful? Does dark skin evoke feelings of un comeliness even in Africans themselves? From the part of Africa where I come from, fair skin is perceived as beautiful. I think that instead of trading black power cliches we must try to come to terms with what we feel as a people, what we feel as individuals and what the negritude movement has led us to believe.
Nnamdi Okose
@Nnamdi Okose: Welcome to the Displaced African (tDA), hope I can be of service to you. Any tips or questions don’t hesitate to speak up.
Thanks for the kind words about my writing, I took my fair share of “beating” last week for that article but I think something beautiful that came out of it is comments like yours where we talk about rising above our current circumstances.
As I said in yet another post that didn’t make me too popular on stereotypes, I think the process that results in stereotyping is just a natural part of being a human being which has its positive and negative elements and I think unless we make a dramatic change in the way we do things as people, stereotyping on the basis of race, clothing etc etc will be around for a long time: http://kenyaimagine.com/index.php?option=com_myblog&show=Why-Stereotypes-Can-Be-Good-and-What-we-are-Taught-about-Formalized-Education-Sucks-.html&task=userblog&Itemid=934
I actually already spoke about, actually discovered, why it bothers me when Caucasian men marry African women, I feel as though:
1) We have lost another good woman.
2) We have lost another good woman that I or my peers could have had.
3) The West has already taken so much, do they really need one more thing
Yeah, you know its pretty amazing, African men fortunately don’t have to deal with negative body image as much, but African women seem to have completely internalized negative body image especially in the areas of dark complexion and hair and the hatred that especially older African women can throw at younger girls who try to wear natural hair or dreadlocks amazes me some times.
I think as a final note, it must be said that some of the attitudes that we African people have towards Westerners in the areas of relationships are disgusting esp when we look at them as nothing but stepping stones to citizenship, material security and a minute and a half of carnal delight.
I just read the above posts as well as the original Jungle Fever post…quite interesting, as it contains the stereotypes I thought existed, and have even observed here in Canada…at least the attraction to large women among some hot African men I saw at my university.
I recently returned from completing my internship for social work in a southern African country. I had no intention of getting with anyone while there (I’m a caucasian woman), but when my co-worker took me out to show me social life in the village I was staying in, I couldn’t help it when i met one of his very good friends…he was more reserved, and although our chemistry was apparent almost immediately, he was not pushy, like most of the general male population I had encountered. I think this made me feel even more drawn to him, or at least let my guard down more easily. It wasn’t about race, I don’t believe for either of us, but I’ll admit that there was that one stereotype I was curious about, haha…I did find out…with protection every time, of course…it’s my personal policy until I know what the full deal is (re: whether there are other women in the picture, and the other stereotypes about African men in particular tell me to expect there to be).
The generalization I have to make as having had my experience in Africa is due to my own experience, as well as those of other women I have spoken with. It’s the tendency for African men to be highly distractable, no matter how good their intentions…many times my plans with my special friend had to be delayed, or cancelled altogether (if they even got cancelled) due to him being “held up” by this or that. He explained it to me by saying “there are no straight roads in Africa,” which I found to be true with many people there, among both men and women. Coming from my context, I took it personally when it happened, and it led to conflict almost every time, even though there was a point when I knew to expect it and knew how little use it was to get upset over it…especially when he never once acted smooth or pretended to be any other way…it seemed like we were both just being who we were.
I’m not sure exactly what my point is here, maybe just to share the caucasian woman in Africa experience and the generalizations that potentially came of it…however I do think my guy in Africa is overall a good person, like most of the people I met there, and intend in the future to assess this type of relationship on an individual basis, despite all the warnings from other Western women not to bother at all, when it comes to African men.
Oh, and I don’t fit the description of the women in the original Jungle Fever article..although I do enjoy positive male attention, my self-esteem is good, I’m not overweight, drug-addicted, or ugly. And, wanting to learn about the people I was meeting, I asked a couple of them if it was true about African men preferring larger women, as it is something i had observed here at home. They consistently reported a preference for slimmer girls.
Another observation I made; just as there are no straight roads, there are also no straight answers…
@Cheeze: Thank you very much for sharing. Not to be a wet blanket, but I would probably agree with your Western friends. If he is an African man, raised in Africa, I probably would think long and hard about a relationship with him for a couple of reasons: our society is still very patriachal and that tends to create conflict in interracial marriages. Check out my most recent article on paper marriages and check out the comments thread, especially comments by a regular reader known as Caustic Blonde. However, there are always exceptions to every rule, and who knows, you just may have the exception…………….
@Nnamdi Okose & Mwangi- My question is, Do you think that the desire for women to have a different aesthic is unique to African women? I personally do not. In China, there are billboards promoting Asian women to get plastic surgery to change their features, just like ads all over U.S. magazines and newspapers that is directed towards caucasian women. I think that it has a direct correlation towards the beauty industry which has its aim to make money off a common insecurity that most women have.
To me, it seems patriarical to target women on what they look like on the outside instead of intelligence. Sadly to say; What a car is to a man, aesthics are to a women; its what they feel is important to get recognition to gain some kind of social standing.
@Mwangi- My questions about African women who marry caucasian men are
1) How prevalent is this?
2) What are the chances or possibilites that those women are doing it out of the same reasons a African man would marry a caucasian women (ie.. paper marriages ect)?
Also, if the woman is doing it out of love or to defy the laws of the patriarical society of Africa (because she wants to change the course of
her personal destiny); 3) Was she the right woman for you or your peers? Did you lose a good woman?
@lovesculture: I am going to say something that you’ll probably hang me for, especially combined with my statements which haven’t been the best towards my fellow vegetarians, I think that either its innate or there is definitely some depth to the idea of women constantly chasing after looking good and men chasing beauty. And even in this post-feminist age, Pamela Anderson will still get a lot more interest in a social gathering from men of every intelligence level and socioeconomic class than Oprah will (in America anyway, in many parts of Africa, the flip side will probably occur). So, I think though society bashes men chasing after beauty its not as simple as a brutish, chauvinistic, patriarchal anomaly that needs to be extinguished, I think one can easily make the case (though I won’t try here) that its quintessential to being a man and women constantly chasing beauty isn’t just some quirky insecurity.
As to interracial marriages. Here in Australia they are still very much a minority, but then again we are such a small community and so new that our habits and patterns are yet to become established.
The paper marriages occur a lot, in fact I wrote about this and in certain states there are night clubs women are told to go to if they want a man for papers so that does occur quite often.
Some women do it for both. Africa is still deeply chauvinist and traditional and some women don’t want that and want either a man who will see them as an equal or an emasculated man who will place them on a pedestal and not make them feel less than so that’s quite common.
Marrying for love occurs commonly too. As you can see its a hodge podge of reasons with no clear habits that I can fully distinguish quite yet.
Sometimes we do lose a good woman. But the most recent one I can think of had been round the block a lot, so my gut reaction was not really. She deserves happiness, I wish her well, but she wasn’t really highly valued as marriage material and so its best she got herself a man outside of the community.
Hope this answers your questions.
First, I have to say that beauty is a matter of perspective. Personally, I believe that Oprah is more beautiful than Pamela Anderson. Its also tough to even compare them. If you were to compare Pamela Anderson with
Jada Pinkett Smith; I’d still say Jada is more beautiful than Pamela A.
Yet beauty can be seen in many ways.
As far as the losing the ‘good woman’ theory, your answer was proof that she was not the right marriage material for you. That truth probably holds the same for your peers. So, maybe the rhetoric of being a ‘good woman’ is not as important as knowing that she was not the right woman for you.
Love & Respect!
@lovesculture: You definitely have a point that beauty is a matter of perspective.
It’s not necessarily just for me, its for me AND my peers. Even if I personally have no shot or interest I have this urge to still want them to get with one of the team. I spoke about this about more on the second Jungle Fever article but I didn’t even realize I felt that way until I started responding to comments written to the second Jungle Fever article and doing radio interviews on it.
I have learned plenty about myself and my underlying beliefs as a result of being a part of this blog.
Man Mwangi,
Let me tell you something about women which is the only thing you will ever need to know about women. 99% of everything that women say is a lie. Let me repeat that, 99% of everything that a woman ever says is a lie. The only time that a woman ever tells the truth is when she is scared shitless.
Now, realize that the media is an extension of women. Meaning this, 99% of everything you see in the media is a lie. The other 1% is a misinterpretation. Nothing you see in the media contains truth. Nothing.
Having said that, let me speak of the 4 main lies that women tell.
1. Manipulative lies: They tell these lies when they want you to ACT in a certain way. These lies are therefore social in nature. Therefore, when you are in a social setting (party na kadhalika), everything women say a lie. Manipulative lie. Other arenas where women use manipulative lying are the internet and also emails and also cell phones/phones. When you interact with women in social settings or through any of the mediums I have described, know that everything they say is a manipulative lie. When a woman says anything and you feel insecure, know that she is telling a manipulative lie. Know that they are telling you these lies when they speak nicely too you.
2. Outright lying: These lies are political in nature. Meaning that they have to do with issues pertaining to power and hierarchies and control. They have mostly to do with relationship issues when a woman wants to control you to do as she wants done. Basically to enslave you by putting fear into you. Thats what these lies are about, putting fear into you. If a woman says anything and you feel doubt, know she is telling an outright lie. Know that they are telling you these lies when they speak sweetly to you.
3. Witholding info: This is the third type of lie that women tell. It is basically about not telling you the whole truth and leaving out information. So, if you asked a woman how many men she has slept with and she says 5 when she has slept with 20, it is not really a lie. She is just withholding info based on forcibly misinterpreting what one means by the word sleep. These lies are told by women when it comes to family issues and issues with friends. By friends I am speaking of her friends. They also tell these lies when it comes to money issues. They tell these lies so as to confuse you so that you may not suspect anything is up with them. You think they are nice and innocent. When a woman tells you this lie, you will feel angry. If you do feel angry when a woman is speaking to you, know she is telling this type of lie. Know that they are telling this lie when they speak smoothly or in a low tone to you. Women are most likely to tell you these lies when in a car or when you are doing something and are not able to concentrate fully on what she is saying.
4. Misleading lies: These are the last type of lies that women tell. They are lies basically about themselves/character and also about you as a person/character and your friends too. They do this so as to put you down and make you believe that she is a Goddess and a perfect person and that it is you and your friends who have issues. They do this so that you may seek their acceptance. When woman tell this type of lie, you are bound to feel shocked. Women tell you these lies by speaking softly and with a hint of disgust. Women are most likely to tell you these lies when you are watching TV together.
Those are the only 4 lies that they tell. When a woman speaks the truth, she is acting the way nyangau women act naturally. Meaning she will act the way westernized/feminized men act and speak. She will also be hysterical.
Do realize that when women say the lies above, they are basically projecting their issues onto you or men in general. When they tell you that you do not act cool (manipulative lying), they have issues about being cool. You will realize if you analyze them that they are the biggest nerds/shaos ever.
When women tell you these lies, this is how you one should basically react to offset them.
1. Manipulative lying: Since they speak nicely to you when they tell these lies, simply stare back at them. One can also choose to simply ignore them, a form of staring. They will stop talking and walk away.
2. Outright lying: They will speak with a sweet tone when they tell you these lies. You on the other hand act as though you do not care. They will give up. Sigh alot.
3. Withholding info: They will speak smoothly and in a low tone. You speak harshly and in a high tone. They will get confused about what they are saying.
4. Misleading lies: When they tell you these lies, they will speak softly and with a hint of disgust. You on the other hand should act surprised like you just heard someone say something nonsensical. Speak in a deep voice too.They will shut up.
You have to understand something, you have been lied to that women are good at sensing things. That they have stronger feelings than men. Thats a total lie. Strong feelings come from the masculine/aggression force. There are many types of feelings but we are speaking of feelings that enable you to sense ones physical/direct environment. Feelings that enable you to sense danger. As I said before, women depend mostly on information and spying to know whats going on. Men on the other hand can take in data from their direct/physical environment and figure out whats going on. Like a detective. So a man can enter another persons house and just by observing the environment, know whats up with the guy. Women cannot do this, they have to depend on spying.
Nothing nyangau women ever say is the truth. One can know this by noticing that women only know how to act in 5 ways: nicely, sweetly, smoothly/moody, softly/kindly and niggardly(real female mode of behaviour before training). Have you ever seen a woman with any other type of personality? Niiambie yuko wapi and I will show you a cool chick. Know that these women are very predictable and lack any creativity and intelligence.
Here is some AFRICAN-American rhyming for you. Not to be confused with bitch ass nigger/black rap music (akina snoop na tupac).
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=p-GBcjDwDF8
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TfE9cCgM_Ys
So I read jungle fever and now I am wondering …. which one am I??? Or am I just out of the box? I don’t understand why there has to be something wrong with me to love the black male body????????? I mean my god …… just at look at them!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I am a registered nurse, financially secure … I own my house outright now …. I was born into a predominately white town in the US. My first boyfriend was black. When I saw him my heart pounded and head spun … something was just “there” for me from deep down inside. I am height/weight appropriate and I don’t do drugs, or look at porn. My ex-husband is from Jamaica and he is esteemed to me as a fine man with an education,high values, and high self esteem. I don’t understand why there has to be something wrong with me to appreciate the black male body!! Black African and Jamaican men to me … are intelligent, fun loving, able to express themselves beautifully, devoted .. and all that … on top of sporting beautiful black skin. I don’t see they are not worthy of the same features in a white foreign women? Why are all you settling for fat drugy cows so to speak, eh???????? meaningful relationships go way beyond skin color my friend. and people are attracted to what they are going to be attracted too … it’s just chemistry! I don’t rule out white dudes …. just seems the darker skinned men really get my pulse racing … since as far back as I can remember.
But at the same time … generally speaking , … I think I see where you are coming from and it is a shame.Mandela would not be happy. good for you for being able to make societal judgement as such. please don’t have white american women, we are just mostly ignorant and a product of out ignorant parents. good for you for speaking your mind like this …. keep it up! you have support. I hope you find love and lasting friendships in your travels my friend!
I meant ………… please dont HATE white american women …. lol, you can have us if u wish … i don’t mind.
Cheeze& Jennifer,
I am happy that you have found romance in Africa. Your reply to Mwangi’s jungle fever has shown that Mwangi needs to increase his list of ‘white’ women more susceptible to having jungle fever. You are beautiful, have self confidence, are not over weight and don’t do drugs.Permit me if I still believe that Mwangi must have left something out.
I would like to address briefly also about the non straightforward approach you have noticed in your dealings with your African lover. Different does not mean negative. I once read that drinking ethic is as important to an Irish man as work ethic. Americans who have tried to or succeeded in establishing businesses in China would agree that doing business there is quite different. Frustrating especially to the American who is always upfront and in your face. Your boyfriend however, probably may have misused the saying that there is no straight road in Africa. One of the keys to understanding a saying or a proverb is to understand the context, whether the proverb is used in the first person or second person and whether the proverb is a reply to a rebuke…….anyway not to bore you with more technicalities, what I am saying is that you need to try and understand the underlying meanings in African communication.
And don’t pay heed to Mwangi’s wet blanket. I believe that if you have really found the one, then both of you will be able to find your way around the stereotypes and maze of societally imposed differences to Uhuru!
And to Jennifer, your exposition on aesthetics is very interesting. I hope that Mwangi took note of the fact that you are one ‘white’ woman who actually find black skin comely. Are there many like you or are you different? The perception of beauty in my opinion goes deeper than something caused by ignorance. A person perceives beauty in his/her soul instinctively that this or that is beautiful. Even when society tells you otherwise, you will not change your perception of beauty.
Perhaps, your training as a nurse has enabled you to appraise the issue of aesthetics beyond the ephemeral. But that is my opinion.
My question finally is: Is black really beautiful? Do we say that black is beautiful because we don’t want to hurt ourselves beyond the slave stripes. Do ‘white’ people feel black is beautiful? Do ‘black’ people feel that white is beautiful? Do we believe that the answer we would get is probably because of some colonial chip inserted by the colonizer?
As Cheeze remarked about straight answers; I believe that there are no straight questions in the world.
Nnamdi Okose and Jennifer, I totally agree with Jennifer who stated, “…. just seems the darker skinned men really get my pulse racing … since as far back as I can remember.”
And Nnamdi, in answer to your question, yes, there ARE other women like her who think Black Skin is VERY appealing, and dare I say,sexy? I think there is a huge myth going around that white women only want a black man for what many in society believe are their well-endowed lower regions; that a white woman cant possibly be with a black man for his intelligence, heart, character,personality,and yes, even his looks. That conclusion is simply ignorance. It is just as Jennifer said,there is something a Black man can DO for me that a white man simply CANT,and it is something that turns on a switch deep inside me. I have heard one Black-loving woman word it this way, “what do most people want? A black corvette or a white one?” Most people will pick the BLACK corvette because it looks sleeker, sexier, more daring,more power/muscle. There ya go;-)Hell ya, Black is BEAUTIFUL, and no I am not fat, ugly,a drug user,low esteem,etc. If truth be known,as much as I find my African guy WOWIE(!),he finds ME the same way! He adores my white skin and blonde hair as much as I love his dark skin/hair.He too believes it is because of the extremem contrast.Opposites CAN attract:-)
I am currently working at a site with one African man and a dozen or so women. All of the women are white and vary in age from twenty to fifty. Some are very thin, some very heavy and everyone in between. And every one of them is constantly flirting with him or trying to be alone with him etc. I am a lesbian so I am the only one who doesn’t seem to be drooling. This does not sound like scraping the bottom of the barrell to me! Or is it just that he is unattainable, as he makes it no secret that he is married with children? I find the whole discussion quite fascinating!I can only assume that if this man were a dog, he could be one seven days a week!
I thought the fat ugly chick applied more to Nigerians not intellectual slim Kenyans. Kenyan men are hot. People are getting over the race thing these days and it’s fun to try other cuisine. In my experience, a man is a man is a man and the negative traits of men and issues of men/woman relationships exhibit after awhile. Some white chicks worry about faithfulness of African dudes as they have a bad rep, AIDS for the same reason and because the rate if HIV is higher there, but if he’s a nice guy and you get along?! Why not. And yes, most chicks think mixed race babies are better looking. Even a Ghanan man on a flight who had a German wife told me he was stopped everywhere for people to compliment his kids good looks.