Part seven of the 10 things I wish I knew before leaving Africa
From Wikipedia encyclopedia: Jungle fever- a slang term for interracial relations
It was my last week in Kenya and I was just about to be shipped off to Australia. There I was, casually sauntering through Carnivore trying to convince older women that I still wasn’t being breast fed. Out of the corner of my eye I saw a friend of mine, drunker than a depressed brewery worker, come staggering down. He staggered directly to me, plopped his hand on my shoulder and delivered a monologue that I will probably never forger until the day I die. I paraphrase:
“You guy as you ship over, remember something….(dramatic pause) Those Western women love black d***. These chicks wait at the airport with signs just chilling for the next black dude to step off the plane..(At this point, I drifted off into fantasy land imagining the possibilities of what he had just told me)”
You can’t even imagine what that did to me. As I stepped on that Kenya Airways plane, I had a pep in my step and I wasn’t looking back. And then I arrived!!!
So What Do I Know Five Years Later?
I am glad you asked. I have been in boarding school in the country, Christian schools, public schools, different cities, different states and different Universities. I have hung out with Kenyans, Zims, Tswanas, Ugandans, Asians, Indians, Caucasians the whole shebang (btw what type of word is shebang? who came up with a word like shebang?). My observation is pretty simple. African men being mighty conquerors who head on over to Western countries and can seduce any Western woman they want because they all swoon over him: by and large that’s a myth!
There are in general five types of Western women who get jungle fever for African men:
1) Girls with low self esteem
2) Girls who are ‘kilogramically challenged’ aka a tad bit overweight
3) Girls with drug problems
4) Girls who wanna ‘be down’ (think double-entendres here)
5) Girls who watch too much interracial porn or spend way too much time in fantasy land
Low Self Esteem and Overweight
I have put these two together for one reason. Now ladies, please, correct me if I am wrong: I have noticed that as far as woman are concerned, even in this post-feminist age, majority of women still pretty much value themselves on the basis of their beauty and/or their desirability to potential suitors.
If you don’t believe me, Google ‘Weight loss’ and see how many results come up. Go to the supermarket and check how many of those magazines talk about fabulous dresses and ways to please your man. Finally, tell a girl she is stupid and unemployable and watch her reaction. Finally tell her she is ugly and no one will ever find her attractive.See which of the two derives a stronger reaction (btw please don’t actually do this experiment to see how hurt someone gets, I can tell you right now in my experience it’s the ugly comment that hurts the most)
So let’s assume you now agree with me. Now out here in the West, fat women aren’t generally considered beautiful. Therefore if women feel they are not beautiful and desirable they tend to feel pretty worthless and have self-esteem and self-confidence issues.
Cue the African Man
I won’t even bother explaining and philosophizing on it……I’ve got two stories for you:
The Story of the Fully Stocked Fridge (An African Man’s Take on Why We Sleep with Fat Western Women, again I paraphrase. Actually anytime I quote someone, assume I am paraphrasing and not giving you a verbatim quote unless I state otherwise): So you’re in the club and you know, you are not there to preach. You have three missions, chill with your boys, grab a cold one and finally maybe leave with a little something something…..
So you check in the club it’s maybe 9:30pm, sit down and start vibing with your boys. The pints start coming and a good time is being had by all. Then around midnight,you start to feel your soldier down south telling you it’s time to go hunting.
So you know, there are a few mirooz(Africans for the uninitiated) around, so you begin campaigning. You ask to the left, is nothing. You ask to the right, nyimwad (denied).
Then you notice something out of the corner of your eye but you push it aside. Around 2:30 a.m. that thing that was taking up just a corner is now taking up the ENTIRE space of both your eyes. She’s a big woman and you’re like, “There’s no way…there’s just no way.”
At 3 a.m., you rewrite your rules and draft a new constitution. And so you look around and say to yourself, “Enyewe njaa ni mbaya (the hunger is bad).”
3:15a.m., you are there with your hand outstretched, asking her if you can connect the dots. Talking is just a formality and after a quick convo, you leave together.
Now the great thing about sleeping with a big woman is come the next morning. You have finished your work. Now she’s a big woman so you’ve just put in overtime on that shift. But when you go to the fridge…..”
“….Fully loaded! If you’re a broke or a student, it’s like going to heaven. By sleeping with big mamas you save $50 in shopping every week.”
So What’s the Game Plan?
The Book Review (This is another friend of mine telling me about a book he had just recently read):
“The guy who wrote the book is a bright guy. Now anytime you look at a group of chicks, there is always either an ugly one or a fat one, sometimes they are the same person. Now other guys will be campaigning for the other chicks, but you, you’re a time saver. You compromise on quality for the evening and you slide on in to the unattractive often neglected friend. A bit of flattery, make her feel beautiful and boom, you’re in.”
Btw both stories are true, a bit exaggerated but very very true.
Has a Drug Problem and Wants to Be Down
Again these two are very much related. These women tend to be the women who are knee deep into the hip hop culture and think that African is one big country where we ALL listen to hip hop and act like 50 cent-Ask someone who’s been in the West a while and you learn this stereotype is surprisingly common.
So after listening to enough Bone Thugs n Harmony, they begin to sample marijuana, or a bit of cocaine or speed or whatever. And soon enough they become addicted. What do they do?
1) First they seek people to smoke with. (btw I kid you not, for those of you who haven’t found enough odd things on the Internet, there is actually a dating site for marijuana smokers. I guess we all need love…..)
2) And then they seek someone to sell them the drugs on a regular basis
Cue the Black Man
This spot is reserved for the African brothers who are also knee deep into hip hop. In my first couple of years here, it was quite common for people to stop me and ask me if I had any drugs or any pills. So if a white girl finds a brother and he can fulfill he narcotic cravings, it’s a match made in heaven, or grown in a coca farm in Bolivia.
A Few Problems Though
1)Some of these women tend to take this trying-to-be-African-American-thing a bit too far and even decide they will try to be drama queens like, “some of the sistaz they saw on TV.” This pretty much guarantees that a quiet night of socializing turns into a session where she huddles up with ‘her girlfriends’ to talk about, “men aint worth s……”
2) When she tires of the hip hop lifestyle or she outgrows it or the consequences come knocking, she will dump a brother and leave him cold and alone faster than you can say, “She’s my woman and she’s gonna stand by her………”
The Mandingo Fantasy
In truth, this fantasy probably plays a role in almost all cases of Jungle Fever. This fantasy basically reduces all young black men all over the world into strong ebony love-making Gods with elephant trunks swaying between their legs and the love-making skills of Don Juan in his prime. Women who strongly by into this fantasy tend to have either watched too much interracial porn or too many movies that talk about how, “brothers are packing down south.” Now I am yet to meet an African man who is willing to argue against this fantasy or attempt to disprove it in any way. I am not about to but it’s definitely something that’s there and you should know about.
However, if you wanna know what type of women regularly try to test out this fantasy to see if it matches reality, generally they have characteristics 1 through 4 in the list above.
So What’s the Point? What Should We Do?
Well this depends on what you want. What my friend promised me at Carnivore is true. If you are coming to Australia just to get laid without regard for the type of person you sleep with, you can. All you have to do is hang around the night clubs and flatter people here and there. In fact a friend of mine’s strategy consists of him going to a club sitting down, drinking and waiting for a white girl to come and flirt with him.
However, if you want good quality relationships, as is always the case, it is very difficult to find. What I would advise is you best be bringing something else to the table rather than a promise of a trunk long enough to choke a gorilla. The people who get the quality tend to be very interesting special people; They may be good looking. They may have a very endearing idiosyncrasy. They may be so smooth they can skate on sand. They may be extraordinarily gifted at business, writing (that’s me 😀 lol), sports, academia whatever. I think the solution to the quality problem is, as much of a cliche as it is:
Know what your passions are. Pursue your passion with vigour and intensity and if you grow a garden beautiful enough, people will come. In truth, from an empirical standpoint, I am not really sure what the solution is. However,I will definitely make it one of the points of this blog to answer that question. I really hope this blog has served.
Before you leave make sure you leave a comment below and let me know your thoughts. Until then, stay off the porn.
If you want more articles that talk about the African immigrant experience, make sure you subscribe to the blog for either free email updates or to receive regular RSS updates ( Click on this link to learn just what the heck RSS is )
Be blessed and bless others,
Mwangi
For the women reading this, your situation is a lot different from this from what I have observed and studied. This will definitely be a topic of future posts. If you have any thoughts, any ideas, any thing, you think you missed, either leave a comment below or contact me and let me know.
Update: Many months later I did write the article: Jungle Fever 2: The Relationship Between White Men and African Women
Tags: Interracial relationships, Jungle fever, mandingo fantasy, white women black men
[…] Displaced African « What is Kenya like according to Kenyans IN Kenya? Jungle Fever: The Relationship Between African Men and White Women […]
Great post! Had to laugh at the “save 50$ a week” part, but felt a little guilty when I actually realized it could (or is) true.
Thanks for a little eye-opener, this is definately one of your better posts 🙂
Alex
Thanks for the compliment man. It’s gr8 that you learned something. By the time you’re through with the blog you’ll pretty much be an honorary African 😛
haha! I can’t wait 😛
[…] 7) The myth of Mandingo’s girls waiting at the airport […]
It’s absolutely fascinating to me man and I’m glad to see it fascinated you. Which parts didn’t you understand I may be able to guide you in the right direction?
Passing through and wanted to tell you I enjoyed my stay
Thank you for passing by. Hope to see you again 😀
Hey!, I fell lucky that I located this post while browsing for dating african women. I am with you on the topic of The Displaced African. Ironically, I was just putting a lot of thought into this last Monday.
i feel very much offended by your article..i am a white woman and my parner is an african man.none of your five points apply to me.i am an outgoing young woman ex model (not over weight or under weight)studying and about to go to university that just happenned to fall in love with a black man.in the uk its a multicultural society and i have friends from every race and culture.obviously there is still a small minority of narrow minded people like yourself.although, i imagine these cases may apply to some(1-5 points).i fasinated to know where you completed your studies.i imagine the us.i find what you have said may be true in some cases but certainly NOT all,and i feel you are either racist,poorly educated or just do not have enough life experience and knowledge on this topic to write this article.it shouldnt matter about the colour of your skin,just educating and understanding each other cultures
just read over the top of your article and was amazed your study was in australia,,
Hey Katherine,
First of all, forgive me, this response will be a little meandering.Secondly, you are right, the post broke the world down into gross generalizations and simplifications and there are definitely exceptions to the rules laid down in the post.I must admit that I admire your anger and outrage at me. It shows that you really care about your partner. He must be really lucky to have you. The post did not occur as a result of academic investigation….rather it came about through people in my home country setting very high expectations for me and my coming over and having those expectations shattered. If you don’t believe me, please begin to observe the African interaccial couples (African Americans and people from the West Indies tend to be in a different category from native Africans) and tell me these stereotypes in point 1 through 5 don’t apply a bit too often. Believe me I am far from narrow minded, perhaps you may be one of the rare exceptions that I should celebrate and promote in the blog. Thanks for stopping by!
I would also recommend that you show this post to your partner and his friends – assuming they are native Africans- and ask them if there is a grain of truth to this article. I have had very little argument against this post or its ideas from the African community. Again, thanks for stopping by, hope you respond with as much passion to my other posts.
PS: I am educated….dem big wurds me use them well (lol):D
Aah then I see where one of the problems is. I think one of the problems is you misunderstood one of the earlier sentences in the post. In the post I said something to the effect of these are the type of white women who go for African men and not that ALL white women are this or that. I think if you don’t fall into one of these categories you should chuckle and appreciate the fact that yours is one of those rare beautiful unions.
Hope that clears up a thing or two
Finally katherine understand that my conclusions in the article came about as a result of observation. They did not occur in some vacuum in my head or in some anti-whitey black people meeting. They occurred by living in Australia for six years and interacting with 100s of Africans including the ones who have Western girlfriends and interacting with Western people myself while I was here. I think if this article is a sad reflection upon anyone (after all, isn’t the old adage that behind every great joke there is a tragedy) it is a sad reflection upon the African man and the way he is perceived, the way he perceives himself and the choices that he makes as opposed to a negative reflection upon white women. After all, in the end of the article I give my opinions on those people who have had outstanding interracial relationships – who here are sadly in the minority. I guess you are right we shall simply have to agree to disagree. Should this article bother you and offend you so much and you be determined that what I am saying is hogwash I am more than willing to interview you and your partner either over written word or audio and post it up as a ‘model of what is possible’. After all, that’s what my site is about. Is that fair?
Btw for those who are wondering what the heck am I talking about, Katherine has been writing to me via email and I am trying to put the conversation out there in the open for everyone to participate.
I can’t believe you were foolish enough to believe white women would be waiting at the airport for black men(or any group of men ). That was somewhat amusing, however the stereotyping is a bit disheartening. You should always treat everyone as an individual and if this is the only type of white women you have met, you should get out more.
@ Caustic: Oh my dear if we were to go through all the stupid things I have done and believed over the course of my life, we would be here for days on end.
I think I should make it clear that in this article I wasn’t stereotyping as much as I was trying to describe in a humorous manner what I have observed. Never forget I believed that at the airport I would be met by Jennifer Hawkins lookalikes and thats how life was for all African men. If the stereotyping disheartened you, how do you think I felt watching my expectations getting knocked down one by one.
As for going out more, you are probably right, we will see what I have to say about this article, a year from now.
And when I say you need to get out more, I am not talking about going to clubs, IMHO, that is the worst place to meet someone. 😉
On that we both agree. Going to the club to get a life partner is like buying a Hummer to conserve fuel: it only makes sense if you’re really twisted (hmm, I just came up with that metaphor, surely there are better metaphors around)
[…] Mandingo Fantasy […]
[…] the last week in Kenya a friend of mine informs me that apparently foreigners love African men and I should expect female rewards only comparable to a suicide bomber w…. My hormones and general excitement threaten to overwhelm […]
[…] to mean that, like 50 cent, I will bring gangs upon her to beat her. Ideas that will form the Jungle Fever article begin to take […]
Mwangi, why are you justifying yourself and your comments to these white women who are “offended” by your insights into what I believe is right on the money! I totally agree that there is a pattern and whether these women want to admit it or not, it’s happening, consciously or not. I have to add that in some sense it applies to Black women of non-African heritage as well. I’m disappointed after reading such an entertaining article full of “generalisations …” you now back pedal just because someone with $50 worth of groceries shows you her fridge. And please, I really don’t want to hear from any of you white women who are offended by what I have to say to Mwangi. P-leeez.
The penny just dropped, a website that is an innovative way to meet the 5 types of Australian women. My bad. Cheers.
Hey extinct, thanks for defending my article. I want to make sure that absolutely everyone who reads the article understands where I am coming from.That’s why I am going to painstaking lengths to explain where I am coming from. In addition to that, indeed this blog is about moving beyond those generalizations to a much better place. That’s just me and the way I blog really. Yet again, thanks for sticking up for me.
@extinct: I didn’t understand the second comment.
Btw, please share what you have observed in terms of black women of non African heritage (isn’t that an oxymoron); I am always curious as to the female side of this equation?
[…] a) Jungle Fever: The Relationship Between African Men and White Women […]
[…] Nothing! This post will be short because I felt nothing about leaving home. I wouldn’t miss anyone or anything.The only thing I felt was excited because I was going to a new place that was supposedly better than where I was coming from. I was also feeling pretty good because Australia also promised this wanna-be Mandingo his girls. […]
[…] of the first articles I ever wrote was Jungle Fever: the Relationships Between African Men and White Women. It’s not my proudest achievement, but if you type ‘mandingo fantasy’ in Google, […]
We-ell, you can’t all be Kofi Anan, Tiger Woods, Seal, Christian Karembeu, Patrick Kluivert, to name but a few… (meaning: check out their wives).
OK OK, a bit lame perhaps, but I’m trying to make a point – what about the quality of the men themselves (never mind their colour).
And who could object to this: http://images.google.co.uk/imgres?imgurl=http://www.geocities.com/mclane65/th
@peetee: Whereas there is no denying that there are outstanding individuals and great people in every single race….I am discussing the cultural tendencies of African males. The individuals you have discussed are outstanding men..I was referring to the tendency of majority of “ordinary” (does that word really have any meaning) African men.
I just stumbled by and dude, this is HILARIOUS!! I almost cried with laughter when I read those stereotypes and then scrolled down and saw that picture!! Please, you don’t really sleep with chicks that fat? Do you?!?!? Please say no!!
And Katherine, chill out, he did say ‘in general’ after all. I only know one other White girl who is dating an Afri boy, a Zim boy to be specific and she totally fits into the ‘Wants to Be Down’ category. I’m so happy that I don’t fit into any of the categories.
Is it really that hard to find a nice White girl who doesn’t fit those categories? Hmmm maybe it is. 🙁 I know it never occurred to me to date an African, the thought just never crossed my mind…until that fateful day when the Ugandan boy dropped his do fuck-not-with-I-and-I look and smiled at me…and I was hooked.
Save you $50 a week, ROFL!!!
@DeTamble:I can’t say I have had the pleasure of pleasing a kilogramically challenged lady, but that happens A HELLUVA lot. Any African guy I show the article usually just nods his head.
I can’t seem to find any white women dating African men outside of that category…I am holding out hope though…watch this space.
You really can’t make that $50 story up.
Woah!! You’re awake! Are you studying or something? A ‘kilogramically challenged lady’ HAHAHAHA! They nod their head? OMG so it’s true, they desperate enough to sleep with FAT girls!! Ewwww! Those poor boys! What’s wrong with the normal Australian girls, why haven’t we noticed the African boys yet!! I guess we’re just a bit slow and sometimes you guys do look a little scary when you wander around in groups, looking all black and buff 😛
I get the $50 thing. Since becoming a student I’ve realised that toast is actually a meal all on its own, no matter how much my Mother disagrees, and that chocolate is fanciful dream that doesn’t really exist.
@DeTamble: I work during the night and sleep during the day…wats ur excuse? It’s a mixture of things, it’s not just that their desperate (though a lot of them that’s exactly it), Africans are also genuinely attracted to big women. Some do take even that one a bit tooooooo far.
The article refers to people such as myself who are Fresh of the Boats, for African people who grew up here, a lot of the time it’s an entirely different ball game.
One thing I realized from the short time I was a student, is that food is the last thing on the list of things that people want to buy – clothes, party etc must take priority…….
My excuse, oh you know, the usual. I’m not writing an assignment that is due tomorrow 🙂 And I have work in 5 hours. Should really make an effort soonish…
Big women…as big as those three girls in the pic? Cause in my opinion that’s a little scary 😀 Those women aren’t fat, they is obeeeese!!
What’s the difference in the girls for the Africans who grew up here?
Food…how I long for thee. As I write this my tummy is grumbling angrily at me and I feel faint but my brand new pair of Bettina Liano jeans are looking mighty fine!!
@DeTamble: Ah yes, the assignments….you school kids really do suffer….I can see you are doing some…er…er….research into…the….into…the….how did you find this article, because I would love to know what you were searching for? (I can guess though)
Yeah, some brothers end up out here with some pretty scary looking women…sad but true.
People who grow up here, 2 things happen (a lot more possibilities, but these are the main things I have observed):
a) They kinda go a bit crazy and go against the typical African expectations in one way or many ways (I fall into this category)
b) They buy into the whole gangsta thing waaayyy too much and dumb themselves down. But since they grew up here and know how things flow, these dumb cats get laid quite a bit.
These guys tend to get better looking women….as for personality….in truth I don’t hang about these cats so I can’t give you insider info but from afar it looks like a lot of them go for looks over substance, which I guess is still an improvement over some FOBs who, direct quote,: “end up kissing rhinos .”
Yes us Uni kids 😀 I was researching homosexuality in Africa then I got distracted by some African American stuff and then I got even more distracted and Googled black men with white women and WOW!! Americans are fucked!!!! Anyway…lets not go there.
I find gangsta a little weird, you’re right, like they dumbed themselves down. And they keep calling girls baby, gah, we do have names!
Well, I hope you never are left to get desperate enough to go ‘kissing rhinos’!!
Which city are you living in? Melbourne?
@DeTamble: I’m a Melbourne boy all the way. I tried Sydney, but Melbourne just drew me back in. The way my life is going at the moment, me thinks that I won’t have too worry to much about rhinos or anything like that.
Those guys who dumb themselves down sadden me, so much potential, so much access to everything you could ever need and you spend your spare money on grills when a book is $0.99.
You know it always astounds me how popular this article is in Google. It has consistently brought in the most Google Traffic……goes to show you what folks are after on the Internet I guess.
You have Google Analytics? I hail from Melbourne, way back, in the Golden days 🙂 I’m in Brisbane now, not that I don’t love it here but frankly, it’s just not Melbourne. Sydney smells funny 😛
99c? That’s far too much! Just steal them from the library like me 😀 Joking, I don’t really steal books from the library…or do I?
Once I posted something titled ‘Watch that Cock grow, I mean Crow’ and it got sooooo many hits, I was astounded and mildly creeped out. Guess the net really is only for sex!
Btw you’ve got a cool welcome message, I like your accent, watch out though, you’re starting to sound a little too Australia, you’ll go home and no one will understand you 😛
@DeTamble: LOL! I look forward to hearing about the Brisbane woman dropping the soap because she stole a 20 cent book from a Brisbane Borders 😉
Do I really sound Aussie :O ? How on Earth did that happen? Thx for the kind words. I’ve been an analytics groupie for a while now.
It would be so easy to get traffic by just discussing sex all the time…but I must focus on doing something bigger than that
MR. Mwangi,
Thanks for providing such article. I believe the “Interracial relationship” mainly between White Women/Black Men caught your eyes and you truly tried to investigate the reasons. I admire your view and it should not be considered something delivered by a white racist as Katherine Said. First of all I would like to tell you I am not white nor an African, I am a man from Indian and traveled different places. I hardly found any interracial couple (or may be less than 3%). There are different reasons as to why few White Women choose Black Men. I intend to add few more reasons out of the clause (1 to 5). Reasons are as under: –
Body development: – Interracial dating among those who are in between 13 to 15 is somewhat common. It is medically proven that White girls get larger and devolve more adulthood than white boys at that particular age (This documentary shown on Discovery Channel). This age is vital as girls enjoy their physical changes and want to find someone who can admire them or share the joy of such feelings. Who do they find? Girls of their age, Elder Sisters at home and sometime obviously Black Boys! Yes Black Boys become more matured during that phase, always act as matured man and that attracts some White Girls where White Boys literally remain as school boys (Nothing wrong in it). For some White Girls this attraction lasts for years and causes a myth that Black Boys are more confident and matured but it is totally false. If they had been confident enough then Africa would be the Earth’s most developed Continent and in fact it is not.
The science of mental life: – It related to compassion. There are lots of stories around like Uncle Tom’s Cabin and about the time of slavery. I don’t know at what extent they were true. I have many white Friends and I simply can not believe that their great grandparents were that inhuman. But myths work like anything. Some stories describe that Black African Men were sentenced to death just for staring at White Ladies. Some White Women feel that it is pay back time and can share their lives with the Black Men for eliminating the sins stored by their forefathers (It is not very common but you may find such cases).
Some women, believe it or not are crime oriented, some women like to mingle with criminals. It is my real experience with many Indian and other women. I really do not know why but it is partially true. They find them more masculine and attractive.
Sometime it is simply love that Katharine described. Yes and this could be normal but it is because of color contrast and different attitude. Some are attracted to other race. It is applicable for both men and women.
High divorce rate causes panic. A white woman deliberately believes that she is superior to her black male partner and this thought leads her to a belief that she might always be adored by her partner.
Ladies (Both Black & White) are equally concerned as to why their men are going for girls from different race. A group of German Girls expressed their annoyance after Boris Backer had married his Afro-German Girlfriend.
Finally I thank you for this article also apologies for any of my comments that you may find offensive. Have a nice day
Regards,
Prakash
Welcome Prakash and I am glad you enjoyed the article. Interestingly enough, the only point you brought up that seemed to resonate with my experiences was the comment you made about some women liking criminals…..a lot of women, especially Westernized ones love bad boys because of their confidence so…
I think a lot of white teenage girls who go for African men simply do so because of the mandingo fantasy, because they find us attractive AND our confidence. I can assure you, Africans have their fair share of arrogance and I think the fact that our continent is actually still standing after all the pressure it’s been to is testament to that.
People mingling outside of the race, in my opinion, bothers people because they don’t want to lose the potential to keep people for themselves ( well that’s the case with me and African women anyway). You know what, you came correct, you showed respect in my home, whatever offensive remarks you may have made, I will let them slide. Have a good one.
Hi Mwangi,
I didnt agree with you so much about what you wrote on Obama but on this one i agree with you 100 %.
I just bumped into this site today but be sure i am going to check in again and again, hope you keep on writing.Kudos
@Wanjiku: Thank you for stopping by and I look forward to hearing what you have to say about my other posts. Actually, should you read this, I would love to hear why you disagree with the Obama post.
I am constantly amazed by how little disagreement there is from people of African descent whenever they read this post….I guess the standards and expectations placed on African men just aren’t very high or something like that….anyway, interesting.
mywangi,
Enjoyed the article and found myself looking for me in it (American white woman). I couldn’t resist adding my own comments on why i have suddenly found myself attracted to african men.
Never dated an african american, simply never attracted.Moved to Thailand about 4 years ago and went through the rites of passage,namely, dated thai men.
Here is where the size comes in, I’m no big fatty but definitely curvy (size 12 American) but here in thailand, that is mammoth. Men are really small here, there is no social taboo telling someone they are fat and by thai standards, I am. A girl can start to get a complex!
Along comes the random African man (please note: NOT African American). Here is what hooked me: #1 The voice: very deep and laced with a sexy accent (sorry, i just melt when its French – Hence, not the American). #2 Their size: After dating tiny thai men, Africans just felt like real men – made me feel like a woman (petite, feminine). At this writing, I’ve never gone back. (one is reminded of a certain cliche` here. . .)
Ah, but alas, my limited experience with African men has allowed me to make my own sweeping(somewhat negative) generalizations about them! I’ll apologize now if i offend, but here goes: #1 Sweetest talkers i have ever met, the flattery flows and they are very forward about how much they want you. #2 Possibly the most impeccably dressed men on the planet, they are meticulous in their own presentation, which, if other men don’t know this, is very attractive and (here it comes) #3 Absolute dogs. sorry. I’ve come to sense that African men have a deep respect and reverence for their fathers and i inevitably find out that they are a product of one of their father’s relationships because he, of course, has had many. Serial fatherhood may be a common cultural trait (enlighten me with the stats if you’ve got them) but it creates in this western woman the realization that she’s with a player.
It makes me sad that I’ll never have a real, long term relationship with an African man, I’m simply knocked out by them. Of course, this player stereo is applicable to all races but my own experience has taught me to proceed with caution (translation: run like my hair’s on fire!)
thanks for allowing me to sound off.
lis
@lis: Hello and welcome to the tDA. Well, everything you have said is pretty much on point and applicable as far as I can tell to African folks:
a) We are indeed impeccable, to a very large extent, when it comes to dressing and hygiene. In my culture for example, men don’t take pride in farting in front of each other and other folks for sport, something which is quite common in other folks.
b) Most of us think relationship commitment is an oxymoron and indeed African men can be very smooth tongued and up front.
Nothing you have said offended me at all, it all seemed very on point.
Thanks for sharing your experiences and adding them to the record on this blog.
Wow.. I just happened to stumble across this article today. Now while i can completely appreciate the humor within your five types of western women. ( stero types do exsist for a reason do they not ? ) and I myself fit into the “big girl” category i do not however fit the low self esteem or ugly criteria. I’m confident in myself, I know I am a very attractive woman I’ve done a lot of plus size modeling in the past not only am I heavy but tall as well around 5’10”. A lot of men like a girl of size. But I digress I also agree COMPLETELY with what Lis said in her post about African men. I also would like to add that there is a sense of reverse racism ( at least in my experience) This is my experience. I met a very attractive smooth opereating guy from Tanzania, he was very upfront about how the things he wanted to do to me. From the moment he walked in his eyes where on me like i was the last biscuit on the plate and he hadnt eaten anything in about 3 weeks. Everytime i would glace his way he was staring at me with this little smirk and gleam in his eyes like “i’m gonna tap that ” anyways there was some alcohol involved and dancing and music one thing led to another… Fast forward to now I’m getting ready to give birth in Septmenber to a baby girl by this guy. He has been completely unsupprtive says he does not need to take a paternityt test because he “knows” its not his baby he could never get a white girl pregnant. I also later found out that he already had an African girlfriend during the time we where together and that basically this guy likes to fuck white women but they are not worth anything more than that to him and from talking to other people i know this seems to hold true for a lot of them. There are a lot of white girls who in a moment of weakness or poor judgement end up getting pregnant to these guys and they just move on …. spreadin their seed like its nothing. This is really sad and unfortunate for these kids . I dont know why I am venting all of this . It helps tho as you can imagine i have a lot of frustration at the situation. It’ s not that i really want to be in a relationship with this guy he’s proved himself to be arrogant and lacking a heart and just plain cruel and cold. But i do want him to own up that he has a resposibility for his actions and maybe it will teach him to keep his Mandingo in his pants ( a term btw I was not familiar with till i met him and he would talk about how wanted to give me his mandingo or “big black african cock” . just some thoughts and general venting . I dont know maybe you can shed some light on the situation . I’m just at a loss.
@Dawn: Unfortunately your situation is far too common…..I think you are a bit more blessed than some of the other white women that get lied to. For example, there are those relationships that Africans get into “for the paperwork” and while they may whisper sweet things in your ear on one side, on the other, they brag to African people about how they can lie and manipulate natives of said country.
Where I say you are lucky is you saw his clear intention early on and are now able to address it. He will probably never own up willingly and so whatever you do understand that indeed that reverse racism you were talking about does exist and I may not know about your situation personally (hence my opinion is based on my experience and stereotypes and isn’t worth a grain of salt) but the chances of him stepping up, owning up and doing the right thing are close to nil.
The one thing that a lot of us share is right before we leave, either our mother, grandmother or aunties will say, “Don’t bring us a white woman.” (with white being essentially anything other than African, usually a native of whichever country or tribe your from).
Hope this information has helped you understand and navigate the murky waters of what must be a trying time. I’m sure your child will be gorgeous.
Thank you for your replay. You have pretty much confirmed what i was thinking all along. in regards to ” dont bring us home a white woman ” thing. I find it to be really sad that there are still such lines and resentments towards another person based on things such as race , sexuality, culture , weight ect. while these may be components of a whole they are by no means the whole of a person there are factors infinite and unknown to every one and every situation. Thank you for sharing your thoughts and writings I am finding them to be very enjoyable as I am always open to good conversation and things that make one think . If you have my space I would love to add you as a friend there I have my setting on private tho ( too many random pervy guys with the “hey youve got nice tits , we should fuck ‘) I have some selected things written there as I am really just starting to get into the whole blogging thing and i find it a good way to keep in contact with friends ( easy to do to !! Im not the most computer literate person) at any rate here’s my link
http://www.myspace.com/chaoticheaven