Part seven of the 10 things I wish I knew before leaving Africa
From Wikipedia encyclopedia: Jungle fever- a slang term for interracial relations
It was my last week in Kenya and I was just about to be shipped off to Australia. There I was, casually sauntering through Carnivore trying to convince older women that I still wasn’t being breast fed. Out of the corner of my eye I saw a friend of mine, drunker than a depressed brewery worker, come staggering down. He staggered directly to me, plopped his hand on my shoulder and delivered a monologue that I will probably never forger until the day I die. I paraphrase:
“You guy as you ship over, remember something….(dramatic pause) Those Western women love black d***. These chicks wait at the airport with signs just chilling for the next black dude to step off the plane..(At this point, I drifted off into fantasy land imagining the possibilities of what he had just told me)”
You can’t even imagine what that did to me. As I stepped on that Kenya Airways plane, I had a pep in my step and I wasn’t looking back. And then I arrived!!!
So What Do I Know Five Years Later?
I am glad you asked. I have been in boarding school in the country, Christian schools, public schools, different cities, different states and different Universities. I have hung out with Kenyans, Zims, Tswanas, Ugandans, Asians, Indians, Caucasians the whole shebang (btw what type of word is shebang? who came up with a word like shebang?). My observation is pretty simple. African men being mighty conquerors who head on over to Western countries and can seduce any Western woman they want because they all swoon over him: by and large that’s a myth!
There are in general five types of Western women who get jungle fever for African men:
1) Girls with low self esteem
2) Girls who are ‘kilogramically challenged’ aka a tad bit overweight
3) Girls with drug problems
4) Girls who wanna ‘be down’ (think double-entendres here)
5) Girls who watch too much interracial porn or spend way too much time in fantasy land
Low Self Esteem and Overweight
I have put these two together for one reason. Now ladies, please, correct me if I am wrong: I have noticed that as far as woman are concerned, even in this post-feminist age, majority of women still pretty much value themselves on the basis of their beauty and/or their desirability to potential suitors.
If you don’t believe me, Google ‘Weight loss’ and see how many results come up. Go to the supermarket and check how many of those magazines talk about fabulous dresses and ways to please your man. Finally, tell a girl she is stupid and unemployable and watch her reaction. Finally tell her she is ugly and no one will ever find her attractive.See which of the two derives a stronger reaction (btw please don’t actually do this experiment to see how hurt someone gets, I can tell you right now in my experience it’s the ugly comment that hurts the most)
So let’s assume you now agree with me. Now out here in the West, fat women aren’t generally considered beautiful. Therefore if women feel they are not beautiful and desirable they tend to feel pretty worthless and have self-esteem and self-confidence issues.
Cue the African Man
I won’t even bother explaining and philosophizing on it……I’ve got two stories for you:
The Story of the Fully Stocked Fridge (An African Man’s Take on Why We Sleep with Fat Western Women, again I paraphrase. Actually anytime I quote someone, assume I am paraphrasing and not giving you a verbatim quote unless I state otherwise): So you’re in the club and you know, you are not there to preach. You have three missions, chill with your boys, grab a cold one and finally maybe leave with a little something something…..
So you check in the club it’s maybe 9:30pm, sit down and start vibing with your boys. The pints start coming and a good time is being had by all. Then around midnight,you start to feel your soldier down south telling you it’s time to go hunting.
So you know, there are a few mirooz(Africans for the uninitiated) around, so you begin campaigning. You ask to the left, is nothing. You ask to the right, nyimwad (denied).
Then you notice something out of the corner of your eye but you push it aside. Around 2:30 a.m. that thing that was taking up just a corner is now taking up the ENTIRE space of both your eyes. She’s a big woman and you’re like, “There’s no way…there’s just no way.”
At 3 a.m., you rewrite your rules and draft a new constitution. And so you look around and say to yourself, “Enyewe njaa ni mbaya (the hunger is bad).”
3:15a.m., you are there with your hand outstretched, asking her if you can connect the dots. Talking is just a formality and after a quick convo, you leave together.
Now the great thing about sleeping with a big woman is come the next morning. You have finished your work. Now she’s a big woman so you’ve just put in overtime on that shift. But when you go to the fridge…..”
“….Fully loaded! If you’re a broke or a student, it’s like going to heaven. By sleeping with big mamas you save $50 in shopping every week.”
So What’s the Game Plan?
The Book Review (This is another friend of mine telling me about a book he had just recently read):
“The guy who wrote the book is a bright guy. Now anytime you look at a group of chicks, there is always either an ugly one or a fat one, sometimes they are the same person. Now other guys will be campaigning for the other chicks, but you, you’re a time saver. You compromise on quality for the evening and you slide on in to the unattractive often neglected friend. A bit of flattery, make her feel beautiful and boom, you’re in.”
Btw both stories are true, a bit exaggerated but very very true.
Has a Drug Problem and Wants to Be Down
Again these two are very much related. These women tend to be the women who are knee deep into the hip hop culture and think that African is one big country where we ALL listen to hip hop and act like 50 cent-Ask someone who’s been in the West a while and you learn this stereotype is surprisingly common.
So after listening to enough Bone Thugs n Harmony, they begin to sample marijuana, or a bit of cocaine or speed or whatever. And soon enough they become addicted. What do they do?
1) First they seek people to smoke with. (btw I kid you not, for those of you who haven’t found enough odd things on the Internet, there is actually a dating site for marijuana smokers. I guess we all need love…..)
2) And then they seek someone to sell them the drugs on a regular basis
Cue the Black Man
This spot is reserved for the African brothers who are also knee deep into hip hop. In my first couple of years here, it was quite common for people to stop me and ask me if I had any drugs or any pills. So if a white girl finds a brother and he can fulfill he narcotic cravings, it’s a match made in heaven, or grown in a coca farm in Bolivia.
A Few Problems Though
1)Some of these women tend to take this trying-to-be-African-American-thing a bit too far and even decide they will try to be drama queens like, “some of the sistaz they saw on TV.” This pretty much guarantees that a quiet night of socializing turns into a session where she huddles up with ‘her girlfriends’ to talk about, “men aint worth s……”
2) When she tires of the hip hop lifestyle or she outgrows it or the consequences come knocking, she will dump a brother and leave him cold and alone faster than you can say, “She’s my woman and she’s gonna stand by her………”
The Mandingo Fantasy
In truth, this fantasy probably plays a role in almost all cases of Jungle Fever. This fantasy basically reduces all young black men all over the world into strong ebony love-making Gods with elephant trunks swaying between their legs and the love-making skills of Don Juan in his prime. Women who strongly by into this fantasy tend to have either watched too much interracial porn or too many movies that talk about how, “brothers are packing down south.” Now I am yet to meet an African man who is willing to argue against this fantasy or attempt to disprove it in any way. I am not about to but it’s definitely something that’s there and you should know about.
However, if you wanna know what type of women regularly try to test out this fantasy to see if it matches reality, generally they have characteristics 1 through 4 in the list above.
So What’s the Point? What Should We Do?
Well this depends on what you want. What my friend promised me at Carnivore is true. If you are coming to Australia just to get laid without regard for the type of person you sleep with, you can. All you have to do is hang around the night clubs and flatter people here and there. In fact a friend of mine’s strategy consists of him going to a club sitting down, drinking and waiting for a white girl to come and flirt with him.
However, if you want good quality relationships, as is always the case, it is very difficult to find. What I would advise is you best be bringing something else to the table rather than a promise of a trunk long enough to choke a gorilla. The people who get the quality tend to be very interesting special people; They may be good looking. They may have a very endearing idiosyncrasy. They may be so smooth they can skate on sand. They may be extraordinarily gifted at business, writing (that’s me 😀 lol), sports, academia whatever. I think the solution to the quality problem is, as much of a cliche as it is:
Know what your passions are. Pursue your passion with vigour and intensity and if you grow a garden beautiful enough, people will come. In truth, from an empirical standpoint, I am not really sure what the solution is. However,I will definitely make it one of the points of this blog to answer that question. I really hope this blog has served.
Before you leave make sure you leave a comment below and let me know your thoughts. Until then, stay off the porn.
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Be blessed and bless others,
Mwangi
For the women reading this, your situation is a lot different from this from what I have observed and studied. This will definitely be a topic of future posts. If you have any thoughts, any ideas, any thing, you think you missed, either leave a comment below or contact me and let me know.
Update: Many months later I did write the article: Jungle Fever 2: The Relationship Between White Men and African Women
Tags: Interracial relationships, Jungle fever, mandingo fantasy, white women black men
@magoo: I detect a dash of a condascending tone in your reply. My friend, the expression reality is stranger than fiction will take on a new light when you actually conduct an investigation into whether the insights in the post, irrespective of tone are accurate, exactly 1 year after the post was written.
You’re right, there are women of great standing and quality who connect with fresh off the boat African men on the basis of their more intangible qualities, but these tend to be exceptions as opposed to the rule as far as my eyes can see.
Man Thanx alots for this articles may God bless u coz what u ar saying is what i always see in this wetern life. i just give 200% for u reality and the way u still show things. Any where ar u from? is da kaguta’s science? think if u were in USA should be honorified by Joo Obama? how can put this in the world and try to advise our people to thinhk about future or other multiculture love? why not chenese, japan, or others? its sometime shame to be with da big mum for 50$ or school fees coz most of these men have a mental probleme after 5years of maried ! why? they ar not happy , and have to renonce for project in life! Well iam African , first of all iam not racist but have never dream to get a fat, grand mother, or drugs ladies coz they ar from westcountry i dream also to be proud of my wife i mean a beauty, with my taste no matter she’s color, weight, life or financial situation. when whyte men have to chose wifes why notr me? ar we still in 1885? anyway if oits by love i can advise any person to love and share his or her life with any kind of person but not coz of profit or weekness .
@John Ruta: Thanks for the kind words and I don’t think you’ll ever find me disagree with someone who agrees with me and especially with someone who agrees that we as African immigrants should definitely step our game up and keep growing as people…
Man Mwangi,
You have hit it on the nail this time around. Saying that because I have noticed the exact same thing too. Lakini, lets analyze why this is so. Why is it that the western world likes to attract Africans to live there yet they have no jobs for them. Why so?
As you may know now, the west runs on a mechanized system. It is highly automated also and uses natural resources from other countries to run this system. This system is basically operated by the women in their societies due to the rise of feminism and other such taka taka. The men are basically enslaved and work to maintain the system. Thats white men for you.
So, why can African men only get the fat chicks and not the “hot” ones for marriage or even dating? Thats because you have to understand the real purpose why they have brought you to that country, even if you do not have enough money to pay for tuition.
As I said before, these people have a mechanized system which they depend on. It takes in raw materials from third world country and basically chews them up. A very highly inefficient system if you ask me. Whoever designed it had no idea what they were doing. But you see, all “humans” have a desire to gain a sense of self-worth, self-esteem and self-confidence. They do this by actually working with their hands to produce something of value. Something physical that is and that lasts for many generations hence the concept of generational wealth. Compare this to the job system in place which is about being a slave and being in debt. Many people retire without having paid all their debt or even saved any money. Ever wondered why there are so many elderly people in the western world living in poverty? Basically, the governments of these countries borrow money from the American financiers and their populations, read white men, have to work jobs where they are stressed out to pay back this money.
This is the first reason why women choose to marry white men only. White men are easily made to be servile by playing on their guilt with respect to white history. They unlike you, are not unpredictable. They follow instructions easily based on a fear they have that people of colour, especially black men hate white men. Do realize that this is true because minorities have been brainwashed to believe that white men are the cause of all their problems. In reality, the real sheitani here is the white woman. She is presented as being an angel by the media but in reality is the most vilest of all the creatures on earth. White men are on a power trip because of their enslaved status and feeling powerless. Know your enemy. White men therefore believe that if they stop working the system, and it collapses, they are dead meat. Its an illusion. Men are never really vengeful, women are. Men are only vengeful as long as the person they hate is still in power. A good example is to think of all those African dictators who after having lost power are never harmed by the male population. Women on the other hand can be said to be psychotic creatures when it comes to issues of vengeance. A woman will take her hatred to the grave and teach her kids to hate what she hates.
Having said that, you can see why you are not marriageable material. An African man would never work the system like white men do. If things become crazy, they just pack up and return to Africa. In short, you are unreliable and a system that depends on you will soon ‘thowka’. So, nobody will ever marry you because you are viewed as undependable.
Lakini, I appear to have digressed again. As I was saying, people have a need for self-worth, self-esteem and self-confidence that comes from working hard and producing something of value. If you simply sit around while others work, you start to feel really shitty. Like you are invaluable and basically a useless creature. So, what to do? How about bringing in thousands of African immigrants and letting them live in primitive and shitty conditions in your country. That way, you can automatically gain a sense of self-confidence (the Africans are powerless), a sense of self-esteem (they live in poverty) and a sense of self-worth (they are primitive Africans from deepest darkest Africa. You maybe a demonic creature, but you are still not an African).
So, now you see whats up. Africans are basically used to make these people feel better about themselves by saying that, although i am a lazy piece of shit that does nothing but live on credit and exploit others to survive, I am still better than a primitive African from deepest darkest Africa. I may be a bad person they say, but atleast I am not God forsaken. In short, they pimp your image to make themselves feel better. Thats why the media is filled with images of starving and struggling Africans.
Do realize that this includes black women too, who feel even shittier than everybody else. They desire desperately to get a white man to support them. If that fails, then the African man is their back up. Realize that most i.e. 99% of all women marry men they don’t love. They marry a slave and have somebody on the side for sex. Thats usually a black guy who is a stud.
Therefore, realize that the system is messed up. Meaning this, the system is run and organized by women and if you want to know how messed up the system is, think of your average Aussie woman or just any woman in Oz. They tell you that the system is fair, uncorrupt, efficient etc. Lakini, anyone who has ever known a western woman knows that they are liars, corrupt, gossipers and just plain down filthy ho’s. Thats the system in the western world. Their democracy is an ideal one only on TV.
So, you can see your purpose in that country. They basically pimp the African image to make themselves feel better. Thats why they hate to see a rich African. They wonder where you got the money since you are not supposed to be rich. You should be living in a mud hut. They wonder if you are the child of a corrupt politician. They also hate to see good looking Africans according to how they define good looking. They start claiming that you are mixed with white blood. Finally, they hate to see a cocky and confident African. Especially one that is happy. Don’t believe me? Simply walk down the streets of any city in Oz with a big smile and see how people react with anger.
So, this is very much a psychological war. You have to know how to play it. Problem with many Africans is that they spend their time in the west thinking about how whites view them and trying to accommodate themselves to fit in accordance with how they believe white people want them to behave. In reality, they should be studying the white man and especially his history. Get to know who the white man really is. Realize that there are many types of whites. This is something people never think about. They have been lied to, to believe that all whites are the same and that whites no longer view themselves via ethnic and tribal labels. Very wrong. Whites in general can be divided into three races i.e. Western European, Central European and Eastern European. Within these races are different ethnicities such as saxon, norman, germanic, german, brit, briton, uralic etc. Do not for one minute believe that the white is one and united. They are very divided and do not want you to know. The weakness of the white man is that he hates other whites even more than he hates you. For instance, in France, the worst thing you can do is be British. They hate British people there more than they hate any other ethnicity. In the UK, the worst thing you can be is Irish. They hate the Irish even more than the blacks. In Sweden, they hate the germanics. In Finland, they hate the Russians. Realize this has been the cause of gazillion of wars in recent European history. Including the two major world wars. This is not true of the white woman who hates you more than she hates any white. Thats why white people appear to be united. The white women rule and concentrate on hating minorities. Realize though that not all white people are evil. Some are very civillized and very intelligent. Others are as dumb as hay. The whites you find in Oz are mainly known as the Britons. In general, they are nyangaus and not the most intelligent of the whites. Meaning, you are more intelligent than they are. Remember, those people are descendants of prison convicts i.e. murders, rapists etc kicked out of Europe. Don’t expect them to be very civillized. Its in their genes to be nyangaus. In America, a country people believe is very racist, there are two whites. The native white that has been there from the 1700’s and another white that is a recent immigrant who came in after WWII. It is the latter whites, mostly from Eastern and Central Europe who are very racist. Know your whites. The former i.e. the natives, are nationalists. They believe that America should be about American ideals and only American ideals. It is they who put Obama into power.
So, study the white man and learn his ways.
Yet again, back to the storo.
This is a psychological war you are fighting and therefore, you have to find a way to make sure that people do not see you as being pitiful. Meaning, you have to find a sense of self-worth, self-confidence and self-esteem. How does one do this. Basically by changing their identity.
Self-worth: You have to make sure that they feel inferior to you. How? By identifying with something more powerful than they are. In your case, this means identifying with America. Let that be your identity while there. One way is via language. Speak American english. There are books that can show you how. Yet again, realize that Kenyan english, or should I say Kikuyu English, is very similar to American english and all you have to do is make some changes here and there. Identify also with American symbols e.g. walk down the streets with a white t-shirt with the American flag printed on it. Simple things like that. Do this because you will notice that many whites in Oz will start behaving in an obnoxious manner. Having lost their symbol of western power i.e. America, they will take it out on any immigrant by trying to bully you. Speak american, dress american.
Self-esteem: This is all about whether you are a good person. You find that good people have a sense of style with them. Real style. Not ati about putting on the latest fashion. This means changing your personality and becoming a ‘smoothe’ person. For you, I would suggest getting acquainted with swahili culture. You know how Swahilis have a good sense of style from the way they talk smoothly and even walk so. Basically, its becoming stylistic like a jazz musician. A smooth operator. So, listen to some Jazz to get style. Wachana with the hip hop style. Its for the ignorants and thats how they want you to behave. They never want you to waken up. On the other hand, people with the Jazz style are seen as being sophisticated, smooth and intelligent. Even if they are not. The power of perception. Meaning, if you ‘act’ as though you are intelligent but know nothing, those people will treat you as being intelligent. This is womans greatest weakness. She cannot perceive whether someone is putting on an act or not easily unlike men. People who are good at putting on acts are known as players. Even if you are kamatwad, keep on acting. If you do, they believe they are mistaken and bad people. they start feeling guilty. Therefore change your dressing style. No more hip hop gear. Try this also at a job interview. You will also notice that many whites in Oz will start acting in an irritating manner. They will try to mess up your style by irritating you with their behaviour. Act smooth like a swahili/jazzman would. Keyword here is ‘act’. They cannot tell when you are putting on an act or not.
Self-confidence: This basically means walking around confidently. Be like a makanga. Meaning be cheerful. Ever noticed that although many Makangas may be stressed at jobo or occassionally in life, they are always cheerful and always telling jokes. You will notice that many whites in Oz will attempt to annoy you by doing annoying things basically to make you angry. Remain cheerful and even crack a joke at their expense.
Someone may probably think that its better to tow the line and behave as they do ama they will deport me etc. It won’t happen. Ever wondered why there appears to be a discrepancy in immigration in the West. Very many people speaking against it yet they still let more people in? One realizes that the people against immigration are white men. Thats because they are the ones working the system while supporting everybody else. Including illegal immigrants. It is they who hate immigrants to the core, especially those they view as being lazy. Yet again, there are still many immigrants. Thats because the system is run by the women and it is they who let in these immigrants in large numbers. Realize that they do this for two reasons and each reason is based on the type of immigrant you find in the west. For “black people”, there are two types of them,
1. The African
2. The black
What is the difference you ask? The African is the one with negroid features like you. The black is the one with caucosoid features like some kalenjins. The African has been brought in to let these people gain a sense of self-worth, self-confidence and self-esteem. White men gain self-worth from the African by reasoning that I may be a slave, but i am not a primitive.
The black has been brought in mainly for violence issues. White women use the black to keep the white man in check. If white men misbehave, they either call the cops, or the black. They also use the black for sexual purposes. So, when people say that not all “black” men are dating vimamas, they are speaking of the black.
As I said above, change your identity. This is true even when it comes to dealing with other Kenyans. Identify either as a Kikuyu or a Swahili. Especially to those nilotic Kalenjins who feel because they are more accepted in that society than you are, they are superior. Remind them that they may have some power there, but you have the power where it really matters. Na hiyo, hatupotezi tena.
Make the above changes. Thats a fear many African men have. That they will be deported if they start acting like an “uppity nigger”. Key here is to act smooth and stylistic and not like an uppity nigger. In fact, you may realize that many whites may start viewing the hip hop identity as being uppity. Another reason to change it. What they will do instead is try to break you down. In short, you are more likely to be deported if you behave like a servile primitive African than if you don’t. If you do, it means they have broken your spirit and will now seek to deport you. If you don’t they will spend the rest of their lives attempting to do so. Don’t ever let them break you. Even if you have nothing, walk down the streets with style and a smile. Remember, kuna mungu hii dunia, and he only helps those who help themselves. Its all about the ‘audacity of hope’.
Having said all that, realize that things have changed on the dating scene. More white women will now approach African men due to Obama. Watch for that, and then lenga them like a bad pineapple. Unasugua alafu unatupa mbali sana. Don’t ever marry any of those msungu women in Oz. They are the most useless creatures ever.
This little commentary is really sweet, and very well thought out, but you left one thing out. What about love? It is a universal principle that opposites attract, and occasionally fall in love and make happy families. It is up to the individuals and to their values and upbringing.
I’ve known some beautiful interracial couples. Look at Heidi Klum and Seal. It may start out with the lust and the fantasy, but with two good souls, it can end up in love and devotion.
I’m a die-hard romantic.
@Sambusa Boy: I am definitely waiting to see the post Obama effect on the dating scene.
hi there
well…i’m actually one of the msungu women from Oz (although currently living in London) referred to by Sambusa Boy & sorry but i find these comments somewhat insulting & not very helpful in moving things forward. i am in a committed, loving relationship with a Kenyan man & also have many african friends who i made when i was a teacher in australia.
while i don’t disagree that racism blatantly exists in Oz (& which I mentioned in a previous post) – & not just towards African migrants – i have always believed that genuine, loving cross-cultural relationships can & do work.
surely, in this world of conflict we need to start to find ways that people can connect meaningfully whether through friendships, relationships etc across the divide of culture, colour, age, gender…whatever.
call me a blind optimist if you will but i cannot give up the hope that this is possible in our lives…otherwise what’s the point of it all?
jo
They say the first step to overcoming a problem is acknowledging it. and i am glad that Mwangi and most, if not all the african men on this blog have acknowledged that there is problem in the interracial dating scene as Mwangi has outlined above (although i find Sambusa somewhat extreme in some of his views). having lived in melbourne for 3 years, i noted that this problem exists only when we fresh-of-the-boat Africans date white women, and not women of other races…these black men/white women relationships i believe are a reflection of how we african men see ourselves..as far as the human deep soul level is concerned, this whole thing of opposites attracting is crap..like attracts like..you attract someone to you who has more or less the same level of self confidence/self esteem/self worth, or inversely toxic shame as you do, so if we black men are dating large numbers of white women with self esteem issues who can’t get a man within their own race (and from what me and Mwangi have observed, these white women make up most of the white women that we Africans are dating), that my friends, is a sad state of affairs bcos it shows that us ‘brother’s need to work on our self image and stop ‘fronting’ and acting all arrogant sometimes to cover up our deep feelings of inadequacy…Mwangi, as you’ve noted i’ve also seen some of my fellow africans behave all arrogantly as if the world cannot touch them in my time in Oz..
..but of course most African men date women similar to the 3 pictured above out of mutual attraction and love with no strings attached…NOT!! to giv an example, i personally knew 4 chaps In Melbourne, 2 Southern African and 2 West African who were dating white Australian women. all these women looked just like the 3 ‘beach whales’ photographed above. the guy from Botswana brought his new ‘squeeze’ to the club one time, when a couple of fellas, including myself couldn’t hide our surprise (bcos this fella told us prior to that he could get any women he wanted) this guy told us, “i haven’t had some action in a while..what is a brother to do?” he made it very clear how desperate he was to get laid!.and it showed in his behaviour. women can smell a desperate man from far, and the lady we were with exclaimed, “this dude looks like he could sleep with a woolly mammoth if the only addition made to it were sexy eye-lashes” lol! the 2nd guy from Zimbabwe is one of those brothers who is dumbed down by the whole plastic rap culture…everything from the way he walks, dresses and talks to his name. he calls himself pimp-C (after the rapper). anyway, he once walked into a fast food joint with chain hangin low, baseball cap tilted to the side and talkin all that ghetto slang about being on this ‘pimp-tip’; then guess what walked in behind him… some rolly polly freckled michelin man lookin broad with saggy breats resting on her gut, and rockin’ these booty shorts with a wide, pancake buttocks & hair looking all frumpy and a beer belly to boot…….*shudders in disgust* How on earth is that pimpin?! lol. this guy dated this girl for a while and when questioned about it he always used to say (in typical pimp lingo) “fat bitches need love too.” now since when did it become the responsibilty of the african male to make sure all women get the loving they need?! now these 2 southern African chaps had loads of arrogance and were attention seekers, but the proof is always in the pudding, and when i saw what that pudding really was (fat, ugly white women) i realised these brothers use arrogance to cover up deep seated insecurities and feelings of inadequacy/not good enough..now as for the West African chaps (whom i met a ugandan colleague bbq), the 1st one was married to a unattractive and fat white girl who happened to come from a pretty rich family, so she showered him with the basic necessities and luxuries he didn’t have back home. she kept him like a dog on a leash though and didn’t allow even friends to visit, and she wasn’t a nice person either..hardly ever smiled. he was unhappy and even lost lots of weight while she gained but he married her for the Australian permanent residency and he struck through the ordeal and after 2 yrs of marriage, he got it and left her sooner than you could say……anyway, he remarried an educated women of Italian heritage with above average intelligence and looks but who was also from a rich family. this new woman was his mistress during his time with his old wife, and she’s the only thing that kept him sane during those trying times when he wanted to leave his wife but couldn’t out of desperation, so you can imagine how much he cherishes her. the other West African dude, a Nigerian, told me matter of factly that he’s only married to his current wife because he wants that Australian permanent residency (he has wife and kids at home you see), and he told me that lots of other Nigerians all over the world were doing the same thing..going after fat, ugly white women to use them for their permanent Visas to their host country cue paper marriages. he told me that the reason they choose fat, ugly white women and not even the average looking ones is because these women won’t leave you even if you don’t treat them right all the time because white men don’t want them, and they’ll even provide food, accommodation etc while with you. i can only imagine the heartbreak these women go through once these men up and leave after lying to them, and i feel sorry for them, but these examples underlie the fact that when you see a fresh-of-the-boat african man walking down the street and an unattractive, obese white woman next to him, then the reasons for this union are hardly ever bcos of mutual love & attraction with no strings attached..as John Ruta so aptly put it “anyway if oits (sic) by love i can advise any person to love and share his or her life with any kind of person but not coz of profit or weekness (sic)” – these black/men white women relationships are usually made from a position of weakness and desperation and/or mutual lack of self worth..there’s usually a primary need and/or secondary benefit being fulfilled here, and this reflects that state of affairs that africa as a continent is in today. i’ll explain in my next post.
the 4 guys i’ve written about above were not with the type of white women they had envisioned in their minds dating (i know this bcos i got to know all of them well enough to know their tastes in women). aleast the West African chaps were honest about dating scraps whilst the 2 southern African chaps merely surrendered and rendered themselves unable to get the type of white women they envisioned in their minds, so they settled for less (i know how ironic that sounds) this is the unfortunate stance on African male/ white female relationships today, and before anyone responds to this, i want y’all to know that Mwangi and I are referring to black men/white women relationships in AUSTRALIA…i have’t observed enough of the U.K and U.S.A interracial dating scene to make a comment, but as for my fresh-of-the-boat African brotehrs in Australia. most of them are definitely settling for scraps, and that’s an unfortunate reflection of their self worth.
@all: After reading nkosi’s comment – thanks for writing one based on experience and observation and not reflection or abstract thinking my friend, much appreciated – let me remind folks that the best type of comments will always be comments based on experience or real word observations and not the abstract.
If you read nkosi’s comment and my post one thing that becomes quite clear is prior to encountering the reality here abroad, a lot of Africans probably genuinely think they can score themselves a Jessica Alba or Jennifer Hawkins lookalike when down here; but to this day, I must say I’ve only seen one or two brothers-in pictures sadly, not real life-associate with any women even remotely beautiful as per Western standards.
And before someone asks me why am I using Western standards instead of African standards, its quite simple: the type of woman you are capable of attracting here is a clear reflection of your perceived value in the society.
If you can attract Ms. Hawkins lookalikes you clearly have a great deal of social value.
If all you can attract is someone who looks like a beached whale who has been rejected by her own countrymen; then fill in the blanks however painful they might be.
If we want our dignity and to sit on the table abroad as equals step 1 is accepting where we are, step 2 is deciding on where we wanna be ( sadly this hasn’t happened much in the comments thread) and step 3 is working to get there.
Have an awesome 2009 and thanks for making this post a classic y’all.
I was chased by a man from Cameroon, who espoused these very thoughts you have written here. I loved his intellectualising.. but the red flags starting to surface when he asked to borrow money, sick mum, etc.. he is in Madagascar now, visiting his child..and all other women his flat mate tells me.. His falt mate is 20 years older, she was his girlfriend, and she stupidly persists in trying o get him to marry her, even though he was dating me.. this is all very pathetic.. i even talked to him about african men who take advantage of western women.. so wow.. i believe your article is true of some african men.. such a shame.. and this is all happening right now for me.. its crazy.. and i am not any of your 5 points above..
@slim: I find it quite interesting that that reaction- of white women telling me that they don’t fall into any of the categories- is much more consistent than African men stopping by to tell me the same.
Apologies about your situation, I briefly touched on this in this article ( http://www.thedisplacedafrican.com/1019/what-are-marriages-for-papers-aka-paper-marriages/ ) and hopefully other comments from women in your situation above will help: sadly a number of African men can be quite callous in the pursuit of what they want from women.
yes, i have gussed as much .. the woman is 50 plus.. and she still believes he loves her.. its crazy.. so what does one do? i so want to get in touch with him and truly.. give itto him.. it annoys me that pathetic men exist.. it is so wrong, that he pokes himself into people’s lives as he has..
i work with the UN. i have a doctorate .,i downplayed my assets, my education, and much about me to him.. as the red flags were waving bolding…, i have no shortage of beautiful people in my life. i sure as hell have no idea why i let him into my life… oh…another descriptor … he never has money. as he is always sending to pay for his mother;s medication.. im just so glad, i didnt pay his way etc..
i find it pathetic he is milking australia’s women and economy for his liaisons in madagascar…
@slim: One very beautiful thing about us though, that I have always deeply admired, is how we support our people back home. The fact that he’s supporting his mum and an entire family at home, that’s pretty typical too.
the ethics are wrong,, i dont call hat beuiful.. i call it theft, i call it crime.. when he takes fom others, steals literally, lies,,, it is not beautiful..he is supporting a wife, a girlfriend and perhaps the mother as such does not exist… i would be happy to arrange hsi loss of residency..
@Mwangi, i also find it interesting that so many white women are denying belonging to any of the above categories. slim, beautiful and intelligent’s stories outline the main foundation that these relationships are based on…NEED, DESPERATION & WEAKNESS..remember that bible verse about building a house on sand..it’s a faulty foundation. on one hand you have an F-O-B African male who needs money to survive, food, accommodation, a residence permit/Visa (cos nowhere in hell is he going back to the desperate situation in his home country) and then you have the white female, usually obese and ugly who’s in desperate need of love, acknowledgement, attention, sex (and to test the theory of the black d***), to be made to feel like a goddess, etc. one’s need is mainly material while the other’s need is mainly emotional/psychological..they both see each other as easy targets, because black men believe any fat, ugly white woman with low self esteem will perform every trick under the sun to keep him by her side..especially since most of these black men are aware that 99% of white men dont want these women, and so she’ll hold onto the man she has; not really out of love (although she’d like to believe it is), but desperation and insecurity i.e. emotional attachment. ppl need to realise that there’s a difference between emotional attachment and love
with regards to the white female, she believes that every african male is attracted to her. she has heard, somewhere, some time ago that african males love fat women, especially fat white women. she has the distinct impression that an african male will react totally differently than a white male would to a 300 pound woman. since she usually carries an conscious or most likely, an unconscious belief in being ‘better than’ simply cos she’s white, it doesn’t matter if she looks like a hyaena or weighs as much as a baby elephant..she still sees herself as attactive to even the most handsome and tallest of african men..I KNOW THIS!! obese, unattractive white women have approached me with the confidence and cockiness you’d expect only from the likes of Beyonce and Jessica Alba.This has happened to me on numerous occassions in melbourne..even when i was with my girlfriend…this belief is further strenghthened by the fact that indeed, a lot of african men are seen in the public eye with fat, ugly white women, so the evidence strengthens the belief even further and this becomes a self re-inforcing cycle..what then happens is that fat, ugly white women from all over the planet transmit this belief a la the ‘100th monkey syndrome’ (read about this phenomenon if you don’t know what i’m talking about) and behave according to type.
..as for the F-O-B african male, he believes that every white female outside of Africa is wants him…and wants him bad. he has heard somewhere, some time ago, that white women want to sleep with black men bcos they supposedly have big d****s. this whole ‘mandingo fantasy’ phenomenon becomes a boost to his ego, bcos he now believes he can get every beautiful white women he can get his hands on..however, there is this nagging feeling in the back of his mind that these women only want to use him for sex i.e. they don’t like him for him, but only bcos he is black and has a long ding-dong..he is like an object to them. this isn’t too much of a problem bcos many men have fantasies of being sexual objects to the likes of Pamela Anderson, Fergie, Anastacia, Jessica Alba, jessica Biel, etc. it’s only when he comes to Australia that reality dawns on him. he discovers that indeed there are women that want to get into bed with him, and that there are women who love him merely bcos he’s black..he’s some kind of fad or new toy for them…but these women are by and large, very fat and ugly (okay, i’ll admit a few are slim, but they still have a dog face). this comes as a huge disappointment for the man, but he still settles for less bcos another belief this man had prior to his experiences with white women is that white Western women will do anything for their black man…but he discovers that in a insiduous sort of way, this is more like a trap..i’ve heard it being called the ‘fat white girl trap.’ these white females know deep down inside their new catch will not stay with them based on her personality or looks, or even how good she is in bed, so she devises other means to hold onto him for dear life..in comes money, clothing, free food accommodation, etc. the man settles into a comfort zone, and he figures that maybe he could milk the poor woman for what it’s worth because as far as he is concerned, they are both USING EACH OTHER!!! the white female eventually manages to delude herself (which is something that is quite common with women in general..but that is a topic for another day) that he loves her and therefore they love each other..if she’s honest with herself, she will remember that her initial attraction to him was based on Need, desperation and weakness (& a passing fad) more than anything else..love especially..and in no time the relationship crumbles once one of them gets what they want and is satisfied (usually the male) and “another one bites the dust.” as numerous as these relationships are, they hardly ever last, and those that do tend to be unhappy unions simply because no african male would stay too long with the type of women i’ve decribed based on his love and respect for her alone..PLEEEEASE!!! i would like to believe that most african men have pretty high or at least decent standards in choosing their mates, even though what i’ve observed with regards to white women/black men relationships leads me to believe the contrary.
like i said before, this state of affairs is NOT rampant when african males choose to date interacially, but to non-white women. I will give the example of my 2 african chaps i knew who were each dating beautiful (one of them stunningly so) Sri Lankan women whilst i was in Australia. i never quite understood why we african males will drastically lower our standards when dating white women as opposed to all other women..but now i’ve realised that the white female/black male relationship dynamic is just as drastically different to a relationship consisting of a black men with any other type of woman
i just feel it’s nice to talk about these things, bcos these relationships tend to reflect badly on us african men, and sometimes the best way to change something is to first recognise the problem and it’s root cause by talking about it.
@nkosi: How we manage to get gorgeous women from the sub-continent is probably something worthy of studying. I, coming from a place where the divide between Indians and Africans was so large have been so pleasantly surprised by the relationships we have with Indian and especially Sri Lankan people here in Australia.
tru dat my brother tru dat. i think the only african country i’ve been to where the indian/black relations are all good is South Africa. indians and black people by and large get along there..in that i mean, they undersatnd each other quite well. infact, on 2 occasions i have been invited to indian get-togethers where i promise i was the only black guy there..and i never felt out of place, which i think would be impossible in any other african country. of course marrying an indian woman if you are black in South Africa is pretty difficult (although easier than in other african countries i’ve visited) because the indian community tends to be quite conservative, but nevertheless friendly…one of the indian chaps i met there in south africa told me that south african indians don’t really click or hang out with indians from the rest of the continent cos their mentality is a bit too different to theirs. u’d understand this point if you spent enough time around them..they are just different, but i don’t mean this in a bad way. as for the sri lankan community in Australia, i was close to these 2 sri lankan chaps and to be honest i felt just as comfortable around them as i was around my closest african friends. perhaps this is bcos they saw themselves in me..they considered themselves black (they really did), so as far as they were concerned i was their ‘brother.’ i still don’t know why i never made a pass at any of their women bcos on several occassions opportunities did arise. on the 2 occassions i did act, i messed up, & i now regret it..i really do. i was introduced to some sri lankan women who were quite easily wife material!! everything you’d ever want in a woman, they had..everything! but for some reason i’ll never understand, i grew cold feet on all those occassions. i really messed up big time there! perhaps i had feelings of not deserving since it was too good to be true, and i’ll admit i felt somewhat intimidated. both these are self worth issues (i’ll write more about africans, the african state of affairs and self worth in my next post)…to be honest, i don’t know if i’d be able to handle a woman as hot as Jessica Alba if they gave her to me on a silver plate. a man has to have a certain level of self confidence and a bit of cockiness (which is a component of self confidence) to handle such beauties right?! i think my self confidence would let me down in such an instance bcos it did when i was hooked up with this sri lankan girl that i rate as easily one of the top 10 most beautiful and sexy women i’ve ever laid my eyes on. the fact that she was so open minded, down to earth and knowledgeable and showed keen interest in me and what i had to say, gave me even colder feet, and so i screwed up. i have done some soul searching and worked on my self confidence issues ever since (which helped me obtain my mixed islander girlfriend), cos they were exposed in those crucial moments but i will never, ever, ever stoop as low as the level of some of our african men who chose to go the white female route, no matter how long i’ve been single.
one factor i think may be overlooked is that generally, white women tend to come from liberal backgrounds, while other non-white women tend to come from communities which are to different degrees, conservative..this means the potential problems and obstacles you may encounter dating an arab women for instance will not occur if you date a white Aussie woman e.g. you don’t worry about her father & brothers coming with a shotgun to shoot you, or whether she is allowed to have sex before marriage and how often, or whether you have to convert to be more in line with her religious beliefs, or whether you have to stop drinking and smoking because that is seen as an abomination in her community, etc. you start worrying about how you r behaviours may unintentionally offend your partner or visa versa. i knew a guy who had only dated black and white women prior to his relationship with this persian girl, and there was a slight problem in their relationship that nevertheless irked him, especially since he was encountering it for the first time…she refused to give him blowjobs..it was totally against her culture and she found it disgusting, but oral sex is something he took for granted prior to this. there are potential cultural clashes you may encounter that i think puts-off african men somewhat about dating non-white women, so they just go for the liberal free spirited women where pretty much everything and anything goes hence lessening any potential tension in the relationship. also when you date non-white women, you tend to be in it for the long haul..that’s what the girl usually expects of you, whereas sometimes white women just want a short term fling. some men consider long term commitment to a like a prison sentence
@nkosi: You know I messed up with a Sri Lankan 10 once too, maybe we are talking about the same girl. To be honest I would actually be quite curious to see how many of us would handle dating a Jessica Alba or that Sri Lankan 10 – though straight up beauty aside, some of them are just way too comfortable and cool to hang out with.
The funny thing about an African, its kind of an advantage of ours, is regardless of our lot in life our default mode is arrogance and our psychology will bend and shape to fit that whether through delusion, deletion etc etc
well to be honest, i feel so depressed reading all of this, i feel like throwing myself under the nearest bus!
when i first came to this site i was hoping to find a way of talking about being a white woman (yes, i’m australian…no i’m not stupid or a beached whale) who is in a relationship with an african man. but all i hear is how FOB (although i really don’t like that term!) african men are dating supposedly horrendous white aussie women for visas, money & an easy ride…how depressing!
but although this may be the case in some instances, i feel this forum is in danger of massive stereotyping & thereby losing out on a fantastic opportunity to have a REAL discussion about intercultural relationships.
i taught adult african men for many years when i lived in Oz – none of them needed to have a relationship with a white woman for a visa as they all had PR visas. all of them worked part-time while they studied & most were planning to go on to uni to get better quals & a better life. they all had good self esteem & i never saw any of them in the dysfunctional relationships described here. in contrast i saw many happy & loving parternships between white aust. women & african men some of which led to marriage & having a children together.
so, please before i abandon this forum forever…can’t we hear about some of the positive & successful relationships that DO work? intercultural relationships between people of any background have their difficulties but they can also be very rich, rewarding & loving.
thanks!
joanne
@Joanne: Some women have come forth with some great stories in the past 110+ comments. Some men have told of great relationships in Scandinavian countries. However by and large it appears African men either agree with me, ignore this article or dismiss it.
To be clear, I think this article clearly expresses where many FOB Africans are. What I think we’ve had nearly enough of is where we wanna bes, people who are where we would wanna be and how we’d get there.
If this article depresses you, think about what it must be like for a FOB African to read this and live it.
Anyway I’m rambling: thanks for stopping by and thanks for the comment.
Joanne
Not all men of African origin fit the negative profile, however, it is those negative men who do fit this profile, who ride on the good functional african men in our society. In the case of many men from third world countires or men who are merely surviving a western culture after rising in whatever way from poverty, it is they who truly can be given academy awards. They take on the TV persona of a man who pretends he works or studies or lives a fuctional life, when in fact, as one african man said to me, the only way many of his peers survive is by having sex, it’s the cheapest pasttime. And wow, if a woman can be manipulated in turn, it makes for an even greater catch, especially in being able to support family back at home.
Your comments are valid – vaild for any community of people under attack for whatever reason, the middle easterns, muslims, jews, etc..
the fact is, why ought australian women suppress accounts of real experiences, experiences of men who have been abusing their lives, families and bank books, if the women have been that gullible – guess what, there are very subtle ways in which this negative african obtains your finiances, even when you are accomplished, sexy as, slim, beautiful, intelligent. The irony is, and i fit the opposite of the criteria above, i work in a powerful position which helps nations, empowers the weak, and if thsi african had chosen nopt to be the ass he is, he could have had it all.. if his love was authetic, instead, i be happy to report him and have him deported.. whay ruin other people’s lives and tar the goodness of good african men.
Hi nkosi,
Let me clarify. The black guy i dated, he pursued me for months. I say that, as I was not in any situation as you describe above. I do not have issues with dating men, commitment or the like. I am slim, beautiful and intelligent.
He lives in a city apartment. By all means, a sound address. I live in comfortable circumstances also. He shares with a much older woman, so far that was okay, given he was studying and working in Australia. He sounded quite intelligent.
I can go on..
He also held a night job, of which I attended in his supposed dinner breaks, only to see that he made an appearance and then disappeared. he earned the week’s salary for appearing for at most 30 mins out of a possible 8 hour shift! He then had an ill mother, his funds were assisting her hospital bills, i then found out his flat mate loathed him with me, and since discovered, yes, she fits the old, lonely, woman described above. She has funded him for the past 6 years, and he has been busy dating and sending money abroad.
He in fact was not studying at all during the day – he lied to appeal to social situations with people. He has never paid rent. he gets money to send abroad, he then returns home to a wife? I dont know, as I have just found out these quirky salient points.
I have held back, I have held back, especially when he insisted that in relationships, we help each other out – he asked for money. YOu know, you just dont do that qwhen you meet a girl and you are dating.
i dont knwo what to believe at present – as the old, fat lady is insisting that when he has been dating me, he has also been sleeping with her – unprotected! Yikes and shite.. these are the tidbitsi have found out this week. And of course, she sent him an email telling him – I told her everything.
What can i say, except, i have yet to hear from him.
it is not right, nkosi, you have simply made a judgement about me, as you opt to stand by a brother, you have not possible realised that thsi brother, may well be an arsehole. and if your gift is writing in an articulate way – i am not wishing to compete with you here, as i am not the writer, i am merely standing in solidarity with woman who do not fit the low self esteem,, desperation and dysfunctional descriptors of above. Some of us women, in all we do, may well just allow a person that blank canvas, and wish to journey with them. when it becomes marred with negativity, covered with many red flags, perhaps we stand back and rather than be a victim we express our pissed off concerns, we allow others to hear our account, as it validates that learning that has just taken place. i have many black friends, who support the concern, many black men who are embarrassed by dysfucntional black men in Australia. The population of africanmen in Australia is noticeably less than most other countries. and even in a city such as sydney, it becomes apparent as to who has ethics and who lacks them.
I appreciate that you have not been abused, i dare say, you are not protected, it can happen and does happen to the best of us!
.
I want to start off by saying this was very well written. I’m not going to tell you that you’re small-minded. You obviously are very observant because much of what you say, unfortunately, is true in many cases. If it were not then such an observation wouldn’t strike other people so poignantly, no matter what their opinion of it or which side of the spectrum they reside on. The problem is that there are so many men fully willing to take advantage of these brands of weakness in a woman. I am a white woman and I am overweight. And I would never allow myself to date a black man strictly -because of- the manipulations you so casually mentioned practicing. Trust is a huge issue for me and I’ve never come across an African native man that struck me as particularly trustworthy. But then perhaps that’s because I’m too intelligent to actually fall for the bullshit they try to put out. If you tell me I’m stupid you’re probably going to get slapped. Tell me I’m ugly and I’ll tell you I don’t give a freck what you think about the way I look. My point being… there are plenty of insecure women out there. In fact… all women have insecurities. But beauty and weight is just one that’s easy for a man who is driven by their reproductive apparatus to manipulate to achieve the desired end result. This behavior is reprehensible, of course, as would any behavior I deployed in an attempt to play off of your own emotional weaknesses to further my own ends. Failures, weaknesses, and insecurities are a fact of life as humans. What separates the good men from the pigs are the reasoning abilities that deem it immoral in one’s eyes to knowingly and callously hurt another individual for selfish reasons. If you’re not attracted to a big girl and you can see she’s obviously crippled by her own insecurity… leave her for the shrinks and go jerk your meat in the bathroom, man. I don’t appreciate being lumped into this stereotype just because I’m a big woman anymore than you appreciate being thrown into the stereotype that states all black men are trash. Mm? Do you? Didn’t think so.
@April: First of all thanks for visiting tDA. This will probably be one of the less diplomatic replies that I write but as I wind into 2009, my mindset is definitely shifting.
Since its the first thing I wrote I’ll address it first: As long as it doesn’t affect my quality of life in a significant way, I really don’t care if folks want to stereotype me as trash, because clearly I am not. I don’t say that with irrational arrogance, I’ve been around all races and clearly there is no superiority between them, as there are many areas we as African immigrants genuinely feel we are far ahead, which I won’t discuss here.
However, weight on women I believe is an entirely different arena, and in fact though they don’t exactly match up, this article and the plight of African men fresh off the boat are quite similar.
Irrespective of any intangible qualities that sadly we might bring to the table, the fact of the matter is when we go out into society for one reason or another society doesn’t want to give us its absolute best: might be a curse for some, a challenge for others or something else entirely but it feels like that correlation is probably worth exploring in depth.
( Btw, happy 1 year bday to the article, 7 days ago)
Secondly, to be honest by this point I am actually kinda miffed that all white women who come here only appear to want to defend THEMSELVES whereas there is another group of people who has been described as being close to pariah’s, namely the African men.
Maybe its because I have read the defensive position-which even if it were validated, kinds leaves us where we started, so much over the year, when this article as this blog was meant to be about advancing forward.
Perhaps its also because whereas the few African FOBs who have stopped by can clearly attest to this being true, many white women refuse to accept it occurs.
Another thing is, if you read my story as an immigrant you will realize that I wasn’t involved in much of what I have described above. If I was, I’d easily talk about it, I’ve discussed worse, and talk about my insights, so that inference is sadly wrong.
Now, another thing I have never ever been a fan of is women disrespecting men and using terms such as ” thinking with his little brain” or “Not having enough blood for the brain because it flows down south” and so on and so on.
Here’s my problem with it: women accuse us of lacking discipline. That would be fine, were it not for the fact that, understandably so, women are much more emotionally fluid, capricious and less willing to exercise control of emotions, feelings and any irrational desires.
And so, I’ll give you the response I give often when women go on this rant, don’t admonish that which you don’t have or control, unless you can look yourself in the mirror and say you have been much more disciplined with the irrational desires, emotions lot you’ve been given: in which case run seminars teaching men and women some self-discipline which is badly needed in this society.
I really do appreciate the fact that you stopped by April and honestly appreciate the kind words and thought I would genuinely express what was on my mind.
@slim, beautfiul and intelligent, first of all i’d like to compliment you on your accomplishments; working for the U.N and all. my apologies if i gave you the impression i was talking about you even though i wasn’t. i was actually referring to 2 lines you wrote where you say
“His falt (sic) mate is 20 years older, she was his girlfriend, and she stupidly persists in trying o (sic) get him to marry her, even though he was dating me” & “the woman is 50 plus.. and she still believes he loves her.. its crazy.” i was pointing out that u have given an example of desperate women who are in denial and will want to keep a man who treats them badly and clearly has character flaws and no long term interest in them. the women who fit this description are mostly old white women or fat and ugly ones. you now see how fat and ugly or old and frumpy white women can be easy targets for such unscrupulous men…this as i have said in one of the posts above was confirmed to me by a Nigerian chap who was behaving just like this Cameroonian chap. the Nigerian guy told me that some African men (mostly of West African origin and Nigeria in particular) and are doing this in Western countries over the world. they target these types of women to suit their ends and gain PR’s in their host countries. i remember watching a news clip from Ireland talking about this growing problem perpetrated by nigerian men. there are unscrupulous men out there using women (i’ve stated this before), and they tend to come from developing as opposed to developed countries. a lot of them are economic or political refugees..either way, they tend to come from unstable or even violent backgrounds and more often than not it shows in their behavour after their communities desperately scramble to get to their new host country. i don’t find it surprising that Somalians, Sudanese (some of whom are very uncouth indeed) and even Lebanese have high crime statistics related to them. i have never defended african men who did these things bcos they give all us african men a bad name, but it doesn’t help your cause slim& beautful if a lot of white women are actually adding to the problem by using bait (money & promises of a better life) to lure african men for sex and whatever else have you and totally disregard the men’s cultural values, background, beliefs and behaviour. this will attract to you unscrupulous men who will use your naivety and sense of desperation to milk you out of the very bait you offered them and to break your heart. what am i talking about?….
..i am talking about sex tourism in Africa. and i’m not talking about western men coming to africa to pay for sex with young african girls (that’s old news)..i’m talking about white women (a lot of whom are old) coming to Africa; mainly Kenya and the countries along the African West Coast seeking young, virile african men to have sex with, and they pay for it. the beaches along these african countries have become hunting grounds for these women. this trend has been growing exponentially and is now so big that it’s now gaining media attention. i read about this in an african magazine and even saw it on the news. the kenyan government has frowned upon this trend in their country. open this link to the article from reuters below:
http://www.alertnet.org/thenews/newsdesk/L14342169.htm
some of these women fall in love or get emotionally attached and then they take these men back to Europe with them. i read that one Swedish lady visited Gambia and took 5 different men at different times back to Sweden with them and each time they all disappeared once they had their papers sorted out..she clearly forgot that her relationship with these men was not initially based on love, so why should they change to love just because she changed? although these men burned her 5 times she was part of the problem you see. and as long as some white women prey on these men’s poverty and insecurities to lure them, unscrupulous & desperate men will continue to show up and they will hunt and prey on white women..even unsuspecting and innocent white women like yourself slim & beautiful, because now african men will view white women as nothing more than their meal ticket (with love not being part of the equation) and those white women who are geenrally viewed by society as undesirable will more than willingly accept these men into their lives, with not so much as suspicion about these men’s flawed characters, even despite the evidence to the contrary…
..of course, not all african men i like this. i highlighted how some economic and political refugees may be, but then you have guys like me who come from comfortable (even by Western standards) backgrounds, are fluent in english english, went to good schools, and came to Australia either as immigrants and/or students..not out of desperation, but ore out of choice. such men do exist in australia and i knew a lot of them. we wouldn’t do what that Cameroonian chap did to you. it’s just that in australia there tends to be a big difference between african students/immigrants and african political/economic refugees, and you unfortunately got one of the latter ones. peace
@nkosi: Aah beach boys, now there you are bringing in an entirely new phenomenon, I am willing to bet its probably a pandemic on the islands with white and African American women after movies like Stella.
Actually many FOBs from comfortable backgrounds also engage in many of these practices. The vast majority dip their toes in the pool of other cultures briefly and then go back to their own community but I wouldn’t say that economic stability is a huge deterrent to the behavior on the posts or the comments actually.
mwangi my brother i just came across this forum and i would like to say thank you for keeping it real maan. the truth shall set u free. as a zimbabwean mid 20s male who studied in geelong at deakin university where there is a herd of us zimbos over derre let me say that i have seen my brothers date some of the ugliest white women infact women perod! that i ever seen. inspite of australia’s multiculturalisim geelong is pretty much homogenous compared to the likes of sydney so hence the point being that there are lots of uuuugly bitches out there and my fellow zimos are dating these gals. why obese ugly gals be dem ones that like tha black man in australia????!!!!??? i say australia bcos i have lived in londin and st peterbsurg in rssia for a bit my friend. believe me wen i tell u dat although russia be racist and xenophobic, you would get yourself a russian girl even your grandmother in the vilages of kenya be proud of. engflish may be only problem for some of dem but so what. london has greatest number of mixed race relations on planet and that is empirical fact my african broders in england do much better dating out of derre race than in aussie much better! but i know sum of my zim bros have standards. it just that some of dem don’t wanna leave Aussie and come bak to zimbabwe u see because zimabwe is a dead country because of Mugabe so dey marry these mingers and get aussie permanent residence permits. don’t believe me? go to any of the deakin university campuses in state of victoria and ask the many zimbos there how many of them would do anything to stay in aussie. 99% of dem wil say yes so they marry ugly women and leave them someone already wrote about dis on here very true very true but also very discouraging african broders plz hav some self respect! and stop dating women u will feel too embarassed to introduce to your mother
@Kuda: Interesting to hear the Zim perspective. Hmm, the impression I’m starting to get is that this problem is only a significant one in Australia and America with the story in the European countries, including England, being an entirely different one.
Lol, and it’s also interesting to see how many people actually care or have an opinion on this particular issue.
This guy is an idiot, Australia(where he apparently studied) is full of women just wanting black meat… I’ve been there and experienced it first hand and it’s not a myth but a fact. In white america it’s a different case though. Been to Russia, Turkey, Holland, Germany and it’s all the same thing. They love us, cause white men I’m soory to say just can’t satisty. Size is everything but it depends on how you use it…
@jentis: Though I have absolutely no appreciation for your tone, at least your full of self confidence.
I am amused, i am slim, i am intelligent and somehow I dated several black men in my dating years. Why – i worked and studied in South Africa, it was inevitable, population wise to meet black men. Needless to say, moving back to Australia, the population ratio is a lot less. I have a mixed background – mediterranean.
I tend to be attracted to men who also have a mixed background, dating a black man of late was simply as a result of a common interest – dancing. No where in my recount do i mention appendage and size factor.
It is a shame though, when a black man, plays on the kindness of an Australian culture and belittles himself by guising as a playa. If they indeed are attracted to the woman – be her, slim, fat, blonde, brunette, black, pink or white – let it be an honest relationship. My African friend is stuck in an African country amidst political turmoil on his visit back – he claims to miss me etc. i do not miss him, I discovered as we dated, that he is way too African and way too immersed in lies. I felt his genuine desire to be with me, but he was sinking in his life of lies. His fat, older female friend is wishing to befriend me, crikey, and she calls him, mails him money etc..He is trying to sell his property abroad and meanwhile dealing with his ‘wife’, he is pushing for a divorce and reconnecting with his child. Why? Even I am lost with all this – a man who is too African, lacking the soul and heart to be honest, upfront about his African persona.
Again, I have not in my recount mentioned a black man’s appendage, nor size. I do wishthe myth and the urban truths sync, as at the end of the day, we are simply human…I need more than colour of skin as basis of my dating a man. The appendage and size are not obvious in first meeting,
In response to jentis…… seems to me as though you are overcompensating for something….. could it be an extremely small penis? Must be….. I am white, been married twice – first time to a white man, second to a black man. I have dated and been intimate with men of both races….. color has nothing to do with size (in my experience). Perhaps you have been with more men than I……. or at least you are passing yourself off as the expert when you say that white men are unable to satisfy…. Tell me, what is your experience in the sizes and satisfaction of mens’ penises?
Never been to Austrailia – but I have lived in the U.S. all of my life. I experienced the civil rights movement first hand. I lived in a time when there were seperate restrooms, drinking fountains, etc. My father was the only white teacher at an all black school. I grew up with both white and black people.
I am not obese, in fact, I ride my bike a mile and run 2 miles every day. I am an IT so I carry computers around all day….. In other words, I am in pretty good shape…… If you are only able to attract fat ugly white women, that says as much about you as it does them. What you obviously have not experienced is that people (not just women) actually are attracted to other based on the content of their charecter….. you never mention that so you apparently are unable to relate – again speaking a lot about the content of yours!
jentis my friend why u callin me idiot ur racist tone makes u an even bigger idiot. how many white men u slept with to determine the size of their penis? dont be stupid. r u sayin white men cant get women of other races? i saw lots of white men dating interrcially to asian women in australia and those women luk happy to me. infact the white men who date these asian women at least keep der standards good unlike u brothers who come to australia and run after hippos, whales rhinos. ive seen my zimbabwe guys do this. yes some of dem do good, but rare compared to wat this blog talks about. i agree wit u jentis though about Russia, Turkey, Holland and Germany, and yes i studied at deakin in geelong 4 2 and 1/2 years and then Monash in clayton 4 1/2 year. black man/white woman dating in australia rubbish compared to europe as europe white women more liberal and open minded about interracial dating than white women anywhere else, and da hottest white women on earth live in Europe too moreover eastern europe, scandinavia and russia. livin in london was nice cos travellin all over europe is eazy from derre. i hear american not too good too. we all know america got the fattest woman on earth so me thinks most black men in america are wit fat white women by default. @amused, wat is too african? are u talking about dese no self respect, corrput men who use and abuse women. ppl like me mwangi not like dat but i know dey exist, and dey go for dese very obese ugly and insecure white women so the prey on de insecurity and these women stick to these men. watch how they react when african man talks to black woman. since u dated this man who is too african, are u perhaps the ‘typical’ white woman dey go for moreover since u are australian? if you know what i mean…..btw jentis, turkey women not white
..i forgot to say that meditteranean women are hot too
I am offended. My husband is African, he is grom Ghana, and he didn’t want to go home with me because of what was in my fridge. He wanted me for years and was very persistant to get me, and it had nothing to do with my weight or my self esteem. He just really liked me and was attracted too me. I don’t think it is fair of you to assume that white women only want black men for drugs or because of the stereotypical mandigo. All of your comments are racists and stereotypical. You are very wrong for your post.
@Patty: I in turn am actually offended. As I have said above, a year after reading comment after comment what I don’t appreciate is the fact that you appear not to be responding to the article or the intention behind it but rather chose to accept it as a reflection of you and combat that. Let me tell you what I mean:
1) I am speaking of a general tendency i.e. there are exceptions to the rule.
2) I wrote it with the aim of eliminating this condition; instead you are talking to me as though you like it.
Thirdly, you have brought up something that makes me uncomfortable about the West in general i.e. the overuse-to-the-point-of-meaningless use of the word “racist/racism”.
Racism according to a dictionary is “the prejudice that members of one race are intrinsically superior to members of other races”. What about this article suggests that?
I said that when fresh off the boat African immigrants, whose experience is different from Africans born and raised in a Western country, come to Australia these are their experiences. I did not make a blanket statement about the race. Its much more a cultural phenomenon and if you read the comments you’d know that is the case.
Please be very careful when using that word.
By the way…… here’s to your happy, healthy, marriage 😀 Thanks for stopping by tDA and have an awesome 2009
Patty, Patty, do read the comments and the blog detail first!
Hi all, my update, it is amazing how the fresh off the boat African is seduced by the hope of gaining all he can to take it home and support a tribe, or actually, as I found out, to show off to his brithers and sisters that he made it big here! so many lies, so sad really. it is almost the separation-anxiety, transition thing happening. The man i dated, who chased me for months, and btw Patty, i am slim, etc.., is currently stuck in Madagascar. But that is not all.. i mentioned earlier, his fat white older female whom he didnt want me to get to knwo ..as I thought she was simply a flat mate, is keen to knwo me and seems to be accepting me. She is doused with the acceptance torch, suggesting ‘her’ west african man is simply being who is his when he is home..she sends him money when he asks for it.. i could go on and on… anyway, my interest is simply to get my $1500 back, not to marry this guy as he wants, btw, he still isn’t divorced, recall i didn’t know he was married.. it goes on and on..patty, guess what.. the blog describes well some fresh off the boat africans… i got to laugh though, they are not all blessed with sizeable appendages, some are great though in the bedroom, as mine told me, in poverty, sex is the pasttime you learn to excel at, and with mine, the olympic sport he told me he represented when in Australia is an absolute lie, why did he even think me would believe it.. why do the lie about everything…amazing stuff really, and truly sad stuff.. and i do not quite get the religious fervour bit.. or is that fake also… man oh man.. i love black people.. i worked and lived amongst africans, and i loved the intelligence, the passion all… but the scraps in Oz land are scraps..please note .. im not saying all are scraps..im referring to thosse who are standout scraps.. of which there r a few…i like this post.. it is real.. real people, real lives.. assists in separating truth from crap…happy weekend all.Any black authentic man coming my way, do let me know, as the affinity will be there.. just want someone who is real!
I am a twenty year old white American lady and I love black men, and I am not overweight. In fact, I’m hot as hell. I love hip hop and green for good reason. Not because all I dream about is black dick. I mean, I do, but that is because I am most attracted to black men since, in my opinion, I see less ugly black men than I see ugly white men, and goddman, there’s just something about them. I don’t know. I’m not really into scrawny or bulky white dudes. That’s not to say I don’t find any white men attractive. I could name a few, but for some reason, they’re mostly gay (Nicolas Ghesquiere, Marc Jacobs) or no one else agrees with me on whomever I am interested in.
“It’s very possible that hip hop is really the only mainstream genre of music with room for innovative experimentation and it also elicits such a strong guttural reaction in people, the kind that music is really meant for.” -Lola Dompe
Mostly, I think this post is entirely useless since it doesn’t even matter, but since it’s been said and done, I will say my bit since I really don’t find this post remotely respectful or accurate. If the big Western white girl wants to get it rammed into her by a black man, then, by all means, allow her to without seemingly ignorant and rather negative posts. Yes, you’re allowed to say and do as you please, but SO AM I so I AM. And I will keep on pursuing those fiiiiine African men.
THAT’S RIGHT JENTIS! From my experience, white men do not satisfy as successfully and epically. Epically.
@Ali: Though I might be wrong, judging by the way you speak I think I might know people similar to you. Chances are, this post has very little to do with the world you live in. Actually just to confirm, which African men in particular do you tend to find yourself attracted to. Are they either:
1) African Americans.
2) Africans who grew up overseas since they were very young – i.e. 15 or less.
3) Ethiopian or Somali or Sudanese men.
If any of the above applies to you, I fully understand why you find this post useless, its not talking about you or your experiences at all.
Hi Mwangi,
I posted a response here almost a year ago – in retrospect I find it not to have been all that relevant to the phenomenon at hand. I guess it was a bit of a knee-jerk reaction. Reading through all the posts has given me a slightly different perspective on your own self, and perhaps your reasons for wanting to understand or somehow classify this phenomenon. You are respectful and patient in your responses, no matter how much ranting is involved. You seem genuinely interested, and perhaps concerned on behalf of the ‘unfortunate’ white women and FOBs you refer to? Ideally, neither group should be dating the other group for the specific reasons you mention (although who are we to tell people what to do.) Both groups deserve to be educated – e.g. healthy lifestyle, self-esteem – and to earn some genuine respect (basic human rights, no?).
@peetee: Thanks 🙂 I agree….and thanks 🙂
I was just trying to find more about African Ameri-African relationships. I know its common on the east coast U.S but I guess there is no interest here
@Christine: You would probably be able to tell me more about that being based in the US while I am in Australia………..
Dear Mwangi,
First of all I want to thank you for sharing your observations, it was very interesting, sometimes funny and sometimes sad~ But most importantly, it’s probably very very true. So me, though not being caucasian, but being ugly and fat, should better stay away from black guys, and in fact all guys in general, ‘cos if they ever approach me, they are definetly only after an easy lay and/or the food in my fridge, right? Well, thank you very much for letting me know that and reminding me how worthless fat and ugly women are, so that I won’t be fooled if any black guy ever even tries to talk to me. At least you are an honest person and I respect you for that.
Kind regards,
Sophia
@Sophia: Yours is quite a depressing comment I must say, I really don’t know how to react to it 🙁 Thanks for appreciating the honesty but please don’t equate all your worth in your looks and weight, its a hard trap to avoid as a woman but please don’t.
Also, sadly many African men are that callous………….
yep depressing msg indeed. sophia are you black? cos if you are, the views here are not applicable to you at all. we are talking about the type of ‘white’ women who are generally attracted to black men..in Australia! we acknowledge that there are exceptions but this is the general rule as outlined by Mwangi. now if you are offended, just imagine how it is for an African male to have to live through this..here you have a situation where white women who are considered at the bottom of white society’s standard of desirability (set by white men of course) are clamouring for black men. i hear and read that this situation is also common in the U.S.A, but Not Europe. bcos women base their sense of self worth on their physical appearance in western society in particular, low self esteem is endemic all across the board with these women. their low sense of self worth at being made to feel worthless nd rejected by their white male counterparts forces them to seek new pastures with you guessed it..us black males. the main symptom of low self esteem is not always just a feeling of ‘less than’ but it can also masquerade as a feeling of ‘better than’, and nowhere is this more apparent than when a white woman steps up to a black man. this realisation honed in on me when my Australian friends took me to celebrate St.Patrick’s day (an Irish festivity) in St.Kilda jus after my arrival in Australia; i swore there were only 2 black guys there incl. me, and the rest was a sea of white people, so i naturally stood out, especially since I am 6ft 3in tall. now i don’t mean to blow my own horn, but i’ve been told by males and females of all ages and races that i am a handsome guy, and i was definitely more handsome than all my friends that day exceot one. it was therefore mind-blowing when 3 really huge, and NOT cute looking ladies older than i was came and chatted me up, almost totally ignoring the white males around me, and one of them was definitely flirting..that ‘take me to bed’ type flirting..they put me in a corner so to say, and my friends kind of stepped away to ‘give me my space’..all except one of them. his name was Pat and he was a very close buddy of mine..a gentleman infact, but truth is at this very moment he was drunk (any Irish festivity involves a lot of alchohol, even funerals) and let me tell you this; Australians go thru a personality metamorphosis when they are drinking more than any nation of people i’ve come across, and Pat was no exception. at that moment he threw his gentlemanliness out the window, put his hand on my shoulder in disgust and said “Nkosi why are you talking to these ugly bitches?” i was startled not only bcos that was very rude but also bcos i never knew that talking to huge, ugly girls was considered behavour non grata amongst the boyz in Australia. luckily they didn’t hear him, but during that interaction with those girls i found them ‘pushy’ in terms of trying to get me to hook up wit their gals and also i found that they had an ‘air of superiority’ over me about them (which was subconscious but apparent nonetheless), which is why they continued to put me in a corner even though my body language made it obvious that I was not attracted to them and i was not interested. i found ther courage and determination against the odds astounding..but later i realised that a lot of obese and unattractive white Australian girls have a sense of entitlement over black men.. that feeling that she can get any black man she wants
when i hooked up with my attractive girls of mixed background from the Pacific Islands (who was tall and slim like me) fat, ugly white women continued to step up to me, sometimes in her presence truly believing that i would dump my girlfriend for them (once again this was simply that subconscious ‘air of superiority’ bcos looks and personality wise, they had nothing on my girlfriend). do you know the humiliation, the feelin of less-than, the feeling of being covertly insulted that these experiences engender in a person like myself..now imagine if i was one of these callous african men, or one of these african men who subconsciously (notice i have not said consciously) has a feeling of inferiority to caucasians..well in that case, chances are i would have hooked with either one of those 3 girls bcos i would have picked out her weakness (the low self esteem and subconscious ‘feeling of superiority’ over darkies) and played on that to my advantage to either use and abuse her, or to walk around with her like some kind of TROPHY (due to my feelings of inferiority). likewise, white women wil play on some black men’s black men’s subconscious sense of inferiority to caucasians and try her luck in an arena where she wouldn’t dare with a white man. as a result, you will find that there are black men who feel entitled to obese white women and white women who feel entitled to all black men, and you’ll see this sense of entitlement in how they get react with surrise when they get rejected. that’s why i’ve stated in previous posts that a lot of these black man/white woman relationships are based on desperation, weakness, usury etc but not love. of course i know of relationships where mutual attraction and love was the common denominator, but these are the exceptions not the rule, and most african men don’t disagree with this..and it brings us shame collectively speaking..i mean, it’s not like it’s something that you can be proud of innit? so if you are offended, and find this forum depressing, take a walk in our shoes..we are the ones who live with this state of affairs..
..plus you are not a white woman as you state, so chances are highly likely this does not apply to you. the psychological and socio-economic factors outlined here are based ONLY on our observations of black man/white woman couples. if such relationships were based on love instead of these other debilitating & often below-the-surface factors, then i wouldn’t see any problem with these black man/ “kilogrammicaly’ challenged white woman couples…but just not like this
I am a firm opposer of interracial relationships. It tarnishes the purity of one’s own race. But the thing that frustrates me most is when African-American men get with white women, they treat them better than African-American women. Some of the same punishments holds true today as it did during the Jim Crow era towards African-American men and white women. And in divorce the African-American man is always left with NOTHING. O.J. Simpson, for example, was sentenced the second time for the murder of his ex-wife. I have no sympathy for him, he deserved everything he got. I don’t know why this doesn’t serve as an example for all Black men…to STAY WITH WOMEN OF YOUR OWN RACE AND LEAVE WHITE WOMEN ALONE!
Oh my god, i cannot believe that in 2009 when there is a brilliant man – the product of a inter-racial relationship himself – in the White House leading one of the most influential countries in the world & leading it well, that we are still debating if it’s Ok for inter-racial relationships to occur!
I have been in inter-cultural/inter-racial relationships for the best part of 20 years & it’s been a wonderful & enriching experience.
Yes, of course some inter-racial relationships are based on inequity & one person using another for their own ends…but, guess what, so are many relationships which involve people from the same culture!
It all depends on the individual. If you care about someone & they are from a different racial/cultural background then go for it. The biggest hurdle you’ll have to face is the narrow mindedness of some people in society – many of whom appear to post on this forum!
But if you’re in an inter-racial relationship & it’s exploitative or abusive…then get out of it. But remember it is because of the individuals involved that has created this dymanic – it has nothing to do with their skin colour or birth place.
this is the 1st post i’ve come across here where someone is totally against interracial relationships…in 2009! ma’am with all due respect, if you do not condone IR dating then i suggest you check out of here and move to the next planet. some scientists would have us believe lately that life on the moon and mars wil soon be possible for mankind and that some segments of the world population will soon live there…kindly pave the way for us. in what way are the likes of Obama, Tatyana Ali, Boris Kodjoe, Ben Kingsley, Keanu Reeves, Vin Diesel, Bob Marley, Halle Berry, Prince, Rosario Dawson, Beyonce, Tiger woods, Jessica Alba, etc, etc, etc killing ‘racial purity’?! i don’t even understand what that means. if you are talking about keeping one’s genealogy homogenous, then u r suggesting not only should we stop dating people of different skin colour, but even us as black people need to stop dating across ethnic groups! it’s precisely this type of thinking that has had Africa engulfed in all sorts of civil wars and ethnic cleansing throughout history. so what you are in actual fact saying Angela Holt, is that black men of southern african origin like myself should not date or marry african women of West African origin (which would include yourself assuming you are african american) since the geneology is way too different..not forgetting that even within each of the 5 different regions of africa, the different ethnic grous have different genealogies. if your argument is that black people should not marry white people bcos of differences in culture, what if i told you that a white woman of afrikaaner descent would understand the way of the khoisan (bushman) much more than a black woman from Holland for instance and would therefore be more culturally compatible, or that an african american female youth from the big cities would not understand the ways of a herdman/warrior from Masai-mara. you sound like one of those stormfront or KKK chaps who talk about racial purity as if mixing white blood with any other type is akin to injecting oneself with pesticide or other poisons. that’s the mentality that caused so much racial strife in the olden days, and it was the major motivation behind apartheid – that people of different races should never ever procreate (they even interpreted the bible in such a way as to support this stance), and to enforce that laws should be applied to keep them separate from each other, and therefore ‘racially pure.’ do you know that your argument of keeping the races apart from each other and hence ‘pure’ can be used to justify some of the most heinous crimes against humanity, and it already has?
and by the way, out of curiosity are you against only white women dating black men, or all other types of women who are non-black too. and don’t ever use the argument about white women wanting to take all the wealth of a successful black man bcos a whole lot of you black women are gold-digging women too, and you know it…besides the likes of Snoop Dogg, Jay-Z, dr Dre, etc keep reminding us of this stereotype regularly in their lyrics…and since you say black men can get punished for dating white women, well in the past a black man of my ethnic group would get ostracized by my community for dating a woman of Khoi San origin, even though we come from the same country and are both black. are u saying i should keep the status quo (ie. avoid them at all costs) just cos of what happened in the past?