As we wind down into the weekend, I am very much in the mood to discuss relationships. Therefore, let me express my views on a rather controversial topic in this day and age.
Promiscuity: Why Aren’t Men and Women Judged by the Same Standards?
First of all, as I have expressed in the past, though this lifestyle is still a part of my past and present, my respect for the promiscuous lifestyle is dwindling more and more each day. This is because, contrary to what the music videos say, this is such an empty lifestyle where night after night seemingly reasonable people are forced to lower their standards all in the name of temporary material gratification. But I digress…………………………
Why is it that if I man sleeps with many women he is a stud but when women do the same they are labelled whores?Isn’t that just a male double-standard meant to keep women down?
Not really. It can’t be a double standard because men and women are so different that to suggest that you can judge their sex lives by the same standard would be the same as trying to compare a praying mantis with a meercat. Allow me to explain…….
Men and Women Enter Into Relationships in Different Ways
More and more women chase the men they want. Then there are those men who either because they are good looking or are perceived to be of such high value that they are always chased. However, more often than not, it is the man who has to do the initial chasing. He is responsible for ensuring the woman is comfortable. He is responsible for seducing her, buying her drinks, usually handles most of the expenses on the way to the sexual act.
Unless you are good looking, bedding women is a skill. Like woodwork or chess, it is something that a man has to learn and hone. That’s why there are classes on the topic and why men will always shut up and listen when a player is talking. The man has to know how to take a woman from a stranger to a lover.
Women on the other hand, usually only have to worry about looking as good as they can. They don’t have to worry about learning how to be funny or good conversationalists ( be honest, aren’t almost all the good conversationalists or funny people you know, men). They don’t have to worry about going out there and possibly being rejected over and over and over and over and over and over and over before they even get a single kiss.
The woman as soon as she steps in the club, unless she looks like the backside of something fierce or unless she is so beautiful that people are scared to approach, will get hit on. Maybe once, twice, three times or tens of times, but she will get hit on. For her, it’s just choosing from among the available options. Now granted, a lot of the time, the options are terribe, but if physical gratification is all she is after, she is guaranteed to get it.
Men Have to Work; Women Have to Choose!
In short, that’s why it’s not a double standard. When the man says that without the blessing of good looks, he has managed to bed 50 women, he is saying he is skilled and has worked hard. When a woman says she has slept with 50 men, usually all that means, is she just went with the flow and allowed the man to have his way.
So until the day that women are doing as much chasing as the man, and men have to swat women away with a stick, as is the case for a lot of women right now, I think that you can’t really call it a double standard.
Does this mean I think we should call women, “Whores!” No! In fact, I think you have to be pretty insecure to result to calling a woman a whore or a slut. So, I am not recommending that fellas go out there and call all you promiscous women (and I know in the diaspora there are plenty of you) whores. But don’t expect the Academy Award for valor either.
I am starting to feel a little guilty about writing so many light relationship-esque articles so let me know if you approve or disapprove of such articles because when it’s all said and done, I write to serve as best I can.
Until then I will leave you with a couple of snippets that describe the typical night in the club from a male and a female perspective.
Be blessed and bless others,
Mwangi
A Woman’s Typical Night in the Club
Now should I be wrong, feel free to correct me:
Home: Preparation
I so didn’t want to go to the club. The last time I went to this club there was this guy who just kept following me around, all night long. Just because he bought me drinks he thought he could become my new tail. But, oh my God, last week, though we only spoke for about five minutes, I met him!!
He is soooo cute and so smooth and he was nice and he was gentle. Anyway, when I heard he was going to be there, you know I had to go. Plus, I got this new Versace bag…..wait till those b***es who were talking behind my back get a load of that bag. That should shut them up. Got to make the bra a push-up. Gotta make sure he sees all the assetts.
Club
Time to reconvene the MASC. Why are all these dudes all on us? Don’t they know, they can’t handle this. Let’s go dance girls!Weeeee! Yaaay! Boy doesn’t my butt just look tight in these jeans. Hell no boy, I aint dancing with you……etc etc etc
There he is. Oh good, I can actually dance to this song. Watch me boy! Please come dance with me! Please come dance with me! Please come dance with me! Shoot. The brother isn’t coming. Cecilia, go there and make up some excuse for him to come here. No, I am not going there to get him. Please, just tell him I need help finding my contacts or something. Go, do it……….
The Morning After
We just talked and laughed. He took me for coffee after. He was so funny and sweet and warm.Then, like out of nowhere, he kissed me. It was like the planets aligned and everything just fell into place. His hands were so strong and he ran his fingers through my hair and then…..well, it just happened.
I mean, it just happened. I never meant for it to happen. But it felt so right, and I think I might really like this one.
A Man’s Typical Night in the Club
Preparation
Dude! Please give me the keys to the car! Dude, c’mon. You know I can’t pull up with my raggedy old car. You know when I pull up in the Merc, all the women’s knees will touch their elbows. Please! Thanks man! Could I have the Timberlands, and the jewelry and the keys to the house, just for tonight………..
At the Club
Haiya! That one has refused my vibes! This one has refused! Hold up…..”You want me to follow you! She lost her contacts!” Alright. Cool, I guess I may as well try this one.
The Flirtation Continues
This one really likes me! Hmm, I was beginning to think I was losing it. Alright, kul, at least now I know I can take this one home. But I gotta focus, stay on point!
“You’re eyes are so beautiful!”
Next Day: The Briefing
“So you know, I slowed it down, took her to my usual spot. Talked about the moon and the stars and all of that. When I saw she had chilled I kissed her……now dude, I have to admit, your strategy works man. Kiss, pull back, kiss, pull back and do it when they least expect. It drives them nuts. She practically begged me to take her to funky town! Deal done! I made her explode three times so you know she is calling me…..speak of the devil. There she is calling me now! Hard work calls gentlemen!”
Fulfillment shall not be found in the middle of a one night stand’s bed!
Tags: promiscuity, relationships
Mwangi, Mwangi, Mwangi, there is just so much erroneous stuff on this post regarding women, I don’t even know where to start! You sound like you almost belong to my dad’s generation with the stuff that have written. It is as if women have no role to play other than to look good and wait for men to seduce them 🙂
Thanks for stopping by my blog, btw.
Many people will disagree with the sentiments expressed here. However I think the most impoartant thing is that this kind of lifestyle makes a man and a woman dead, at least HIV is there to ensure that. No double standard on that one.
To add to my comment above, except for those involved in this lifestyle, most men actually treat with contempt any man who sleeps around. There is really no double standard. Any man who sleeps around is viewed as foolish. As a man, I cant speak for women. I really dont know how women view such men.
Hey mshairi,
Your blog is great, expect to see a bit more of me in future. In terms of my opinions on this post, I formed them by experience. To be quite frank in earlier years I genuinely thought that men and women related to each other in exactly the same way. These opinions are pretty much the result of experiencing that view of the world being shattered. Interestingly enough, go to any night club or party and tell me the “women just wait to be seduced” idea doesn’t hold any water.
Hey TS,
I agree with you. The lifestyle kills a part of your soul no doubt about that.
Thank you both for disagreeing with me, it’s been a while since I had the pleasure of civil debate on this blog.
Wacha I give my 0.02 cents. Like you said, when a man sleeps with a woman; he has to hunt and earn the right to sleep with her unless she is a hooker. So in essence he works for what he takes, while on the other hand when a woman sleeps around, she is giving. Which is harder, to convince someone to give you something or to give something away?
But one thing you and many men may not realize is that many women do not go to the club to get men or get laid, they go to the club for validation. Nothing boosts a woman’s ego as much as being chased by many dudes and turning them all down I tell you. That is why strangely enough, the mama who was snubbing you in the club will give you airtime when you meet her during the day.
On a last note, shagging around just isn’t worth the drama it brings about, let’s not even talk about AIDS if you are in Africa. Nice post but for sure it is going to raise alot of dust!
Thanks for stopping by acolyte. It’s always nice to get visits from the vets of the African blogosphere.
Thx for reminding me about the validation thing; a lot of women do go to the club in search of ego boosts and validation but from what I have seen and experienced these women still go to the club to get laid, if not that night, then in future nights. They are simply waiting for the right man so it can go from an ego boost to something more.
I have seen pregnancy scares, heard about all sorts of STDs not to mention AIDS and also it is not a high-trust culture so it’s very hard in the lifestyle to know who to trust hence why I personally don’t endorse the lifestyle.
A lot of dust has already been raised my friend. The post was actually more controversial than I expected it to be; I thought it would just be a light, mildly humorous post, but it seems I hit on something deep.
btw update your blog more often bwana. Keep the stories coming.
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