No joke! You want the formula, here it is:
A Happy Life is:
Pleasant emotions (Think about that great feeling you have after great food, an awesome movies, theme parks and sex)
+
A life filled with moments of flow ( When you engage fully in what you are good at. Time and space stand still as you are one with what you are putting out into the world. Check out this interview where its briefly discussed)
+
A meaningful life (taking your unique gifts and applying them towards the achievement of something greater than yourself
A Very Important Idea to Remember
I have a running hypothesis in my head that as human beings we are naturally wired to hold on to, experience and be guided by what makes us feel pain as opposed to what makes us feel pleasure.
What I mean by this is that, we appear to more naturally remember, want to converse about, and have our actions guided by the one time an employee screwed us over as opposed to the Saturday we went out and watched a great movie.
I have a Discovery Channel derived idea on why that is but that isn’t the point of today’s discussion.
Here’s The Thing
The skills that are neccesary to eliminate negativity and negative emotions ARE NOT the same skills that make us happy.
Let me say that one more time:
The skills that we use to make us stop feeling like crap ARE NOT the same ones that will make us feel happy to be alive.
So, if you are buying into the belief that:
I will be happy when I get rid of this person/this job/retire/this weight etc etc etc you might be right, but chances are, science and literature have repeatedly shown, you are probably holding on to a fool’s gold.
Ladies and Gentlemen
In case you did not watch the video please set aside just a little bit of time today and learn how to be happy for the rest of your life:
Have a day just brimming with positive emotions where you love what you do so much that the time-space continuum does not exist and you truly are bigger than your body,
Mwangi
Tags: happiness, Martin Seligman, meaning of life, peak performance psychology, purpose driven life, ted talks, What positive psychology can help you become
You actually think that is what it takes?
Contrast: the lasting peace, joy that passes all understanding acquired through knowledge of and walk with Christ.
@ezz: Hey! Long time no see. Apologies my response will be a little winding. A walk with Christ is a life where every decision is much larger than ourselves, we live for something much larger than ourselves and believe that all actions will come together for a higher purpose. Combine that with the flow experience that comes from meditation and small life pleasures and it easily falls within that model.
I am unsure where you are writing this from, but you come to realize how different people with different circumstances and religions can be quite happy and we have to ask ourselves why.
In fact, I have discussed this on a number of posts in the past. The primary reason people here leave church in their young adult years is because they take time off from church and during that time off they realize that “they are OK”. Whether or not they have a relationship with God, “they are OK”.
So they actually do the worst form of turning away because many of them are not angry or bitter, they usually have an attitude like, “God is good! But I’m pretty happy with life regardless”
That, and the fact that growing up in Kenya, so so so so many people who were born again were unhappy and actually seemed bitter. And I think the election violence showed that a lot of people may be born again in the peace time but not necessarily in times of strife. Being born again is a piece of the puzzle no doubt, but I don’t think God promised he’d do all the work and in fact it looks like becoming born again is the beginning of yet another journey.
I’ve always been fascinated by the search for happiness, I tend to live by this quote:-“Success, like happiness, cannot be pursued; it must ensue…as the unintended side effect of one’s personal dedication to a course greater than oneself.” Viktor Frankl (a concentration camp survivor)
Amen!!!!
I second @Gal Africana….finally a post I can read (listening to posts is just not my drug of choice, mainly cos I do it on employer time 🙂 )
I’m so with you when you say that absence of negativity doesn’t necessarily guarantee happiness (paraphrased). That is so true, and I wish we all understood it, then this world would be a happier place.
Hey! It’s still sending me messages when I post a comment. Tell it to stop!! 😀 Anyways, I don’t mind, just informing you.
Mwangi,
I agree with you that your “response is a little winding”. I got a bit lost. Didn’t mean to put you on the defensive though.
Anyway –
Those three principles are all well an good, but believe you me it’s very difficult to try an implement them on your own, (I would say quite impossible). And Ted’s allusion that “technology/entertainment/design” can increase happiness is certainly not true. The reverse, I would think. Example – europeans are not happier than africans.
You should be aware that there are forces ‘out there’ that control and conspire to make sure that humans remain forever miserable.
With true Christianity “The skills that are necessary to eliminate negativity and negative emotions ARE the same skills that make us happy”. Only they are not skills, but direct intervention from on high.
Quote: “…different people with different circumstances and religions can be quite happy and we have to ask ourselves why”
– Never be fooled by the facade that many people front to the world. Behind those closed walls lies a lot of misery. It never stops to amaze me..
Quote: “The primary reason people here leave church in their young adult years is because they take time off from church and during that time off they realize that “they are OK”. ”
– but for how long? Besides, the walk/the way with Christ is not exactly equal to attending church regularly.
@David Rogers: Interesting way of rephrasing it. At this point, I can’t really say I have empirical evidence to support this, but the literature definitely seems to be on the side of this and its definitely worth a go.
@gal africana: Lol! OK, Amen it is
@Kelly: I have been working on my podcasting course and for me after 200+ articles writing is actually quite difficult when compared to podcasting. But I still wanted to put out some content out there hence the podcast interviews.
I am working on solutions for all bandwith levels and will announce them when they are ready.
A lady who bookmarked this article on the website StumbleUpon put it another way which I liked, negativity comes easy, being happy takes work!
@Kelly: I haven’t heard complaints yet, in fact the only other email I received was someone thanking me for personally writing to me, so so far it looks like its working, so me thinks for the time being I’ll keep it.
@ezz: I wouldn’t worry too much about it, if you’re on the defensive and I am and we both know we are having a +ve discussion, I’m sure we’ll probably arrive at a better place.
Before I launch into my rebuttal I must put a huge caveat and say all through my life the best people I have known have been Christians and the Church and bible studies are among my favourite places on Earth.
That having been said, the first point is that, not all Christians agree that God intervenes directly on a personal level in our lives.
That belief isn’t something automatic, and Christianity originally was God through his saints and his pastors.
I only bring this up to make the point that even the belief that we have a direct relationship with God is something that took place in the minds of men…God didn’t come down with the tablets to tell us this, the protestant leaders did.
We are fully aware of the levels of misery of people here and don’t get it twisted a lot of people are miserable here BUT a lot of Christians in Kenya are miserable and a lot of non-Christians here are pretty happy.
Incidentally this isn’t something that I myself have observed. Me and my mother, as devout as they come, has observed this as well.
The fact that people at home are born again in no way guarantees their happiness or inner peace.
A relationship with our Creator appears to be but a piece of the puzzle. If it was the be all and end all, I would feel safer and more joy at home than I do here. That’s not the case, definitely not the case.
People leave the Christian walk for good. They slowly drift away from the Church until one day they wake up and realize they haven’t been to Church or prayed for months and they are still pretty content with their lot in life.
I love the church, I believe in God, but God told us to pursue truth and the truth is I see a lot more honesty, decency and love in some Christians and non-Christians here than I ever saw in many devout speaking-in-tongues-Christians especially in December of last year.
There’s a God shaped space in us that only he can fill….thats y pple…including mwa look 4 material things to fill it only to get back to square 1! I aint shoppin no more……… 🙂
@Nell: I don’t think I have mentioned a single material thing in the article to be clear. As for the God shaped hole, again, I agree, having a relationship with Him is an important piece of the puzzle (and He does give our life meaning) but if he was all it took don’t you think the third world would look very different.
Shopping, ice cream and all those other “pleasures” are extremely short lived and I don’t think you’ll ever meet anyone who’ll say anything to the contrary.
Mwangi,
Lets tackle this one by one –
1. “…the first point is that, not all Christians agree that God intervenes directly on a personal level in our lives. That belief isn’t something automatic, …”
Our reference point is the Bible, so Christians really shouldn’t be having differing opinions on this.
2. “… Christianity originally was God through his saints and his pastors. … even the belief that we have a direct relationship with God is something that took place in the minds of men…God didn’t come down with the tablets to tell us this, the protestant leaders did.”
Christianity was not originally God through his saints and his pastors. That’s what the Roman Catholic church evolved into later.
First – our Lords prayer which Jesus taught is directly to God.
Two – let me quote a few verses from John’s gospel:
‘Jesus replied –
“If anyone loves me, he will obey my teaching. My Father will love him, and we will come to him and make our home with him.” Jn 14:23.
“…the Counselor, the Holy Spirit, whom the Father will send in my name, will teach you all things and remind you of everything I have said to you.” Jn 14:26
“In that day you will no longer ask me anything. I tell you the truth, my Father will give you whatever you ask in my name” Jn 16:23
“In that day you will ask in my name. I am not saying that I will ask the Father on your behalf. No, the Father himself loves you…”‘ Jn. 16:26-27
These are but a few references from the Bible indicating that access is direct.
3. “…don’t get it twisted a lot of people are miserable here BUT a lot of Christians in Kenya are miserable and a lot of non-Christians here are pretty happy.”
??? See my comments on points 6 & 7 below.
4. “The fact that people at home are born again in no way guarantees their happiness or inner peace.”
This all really depends on what people interpret as being born again.
Real walk with Christ does guarantee these. But Jesus did warn that there would be trials and tribulations, which we would have to persevere and overcome to the end. Taking up our crosses and following Him.
5. “A relationship with our Creator appears to be but a piece of the puzzle. If it was the be all and end all, I would feel safer and more joy at home than I do here. That’s not the case, definitely not the case.”
With Christ it shouldn’t really matter where one is or what station in life one is in. Paul tells us he had learnt to be content with whatever situation he found himself in, (Philippians Ch.4:11-13).
I have to add here that the insecurity in Kenya has been grossly exaggerated by the media.
6. “People leave the Christian walk for good. They slowly drift away from the Church until one day they wake up and realize they haven’t been to Church or prayed for months and they are still pretty content with their lot in life.”
‘pretty content’ could be the catch word here, and ‘for good’ is relative. I abandoned the Christian/Church life in my early teens and the world didn’t come tumbling down. God is merciful and still loves us when we are lost. But looking back, I could have avoided a lot of hassles I went through if I had stuck with Him and gotten to know Him the way I do now.
7.”…God told us to pursue truth and the truth is I see a lot more honesty, decency and love in some Christians and non-Christians here than I ever saw in many devout speaking-in-tongues-Christians especially in December of last year.”
Jesus said “I am the Way, the Truth and the Life”, and went on to say that no one gets to the Father but through Him. Following Him does produce the qualities you mention above. But again, looking at the outward behaviour and appearance of people can be deceptive. You shouldn’t really base your faith on what some people who call themselves christians do, but on the Word in the scriptures. To be avoided is, being like the ones who say that they won’t go to church because it’s full of hypocrites.
(BTW, tongue speaking is not exclusive to Christianity).
@ezz: Yet another wandering,scattered retort.
As to the first point, all these divergent denominations ( 1500 according to the World Church Council) DO use the Bible as their reference. To a large extent having a faith involves picking and choosing and as much as I love the Bible we must accept that our Father who is in heaven created hell, got vengeful and jealous etc etc and doesn’t have only pure love in His heart….but we chose to ignore that and focus on his love in this day and age as opposed to his wrath which was the focus back then……….
I definitely agree on one point, one mistake many people in this world, myself included, make way too often is judging Christianity not by the principles in the book but by the actions of the practioners who ultimately are flawed.
I am not talking about insecurity portrayed by the media, let me clear. In fact I almost never use the media as my reference to what is going on at home, I only speak of what I saw with my one two eyes and have discussed with many other of my fellow Kenyan people, so my opinions on home are much more empirical than heresay.
As to the misery levels in the West vs home, ultimately I am making a subjective, rather than objective assesment and all I would ask is you make it for yourself. Just look around one time when walking through a Western country and you tell me who appears more content and happy with their lot. I wish I had studies to prove it, but even the fascade of Kenyan people that I remember to a large extent was a very angry, pain filled one (and rightfully so, considering the society we live in) but obviously this argument can go on for quite a while but I still hold on to my contention that even a Christian needs the three things above to have some sense of meaning. A Christian alone in the desert walking with God will probably not feel as complete as the Christian who founded a movement that is bringing God’s word to life in the world and enabling him to use his God-given gifts every single day.
Mwangi
You are either searching, or trying to handle things you do not fully understand.
Take my advice, leave the Christ things along, until you are truly born again.
BTW, if you believe the bible then, some reminders
-Christ never asked us to search for truth. He is the truth. You either have it or you do not.
-Christ never promised Christians happiness. Joy yes.
-not every one who says “Lord Lord” is born gain
-why do you spend time worrying about others and whether they are truly born again or not? Do it yourself and do it right.
-etc etc
If you do not believe it, then, why do you waste time discussing issues dealing with it.
@kenya fm: That’s an incredibly, oddly arrogant statement on your behalf. I’ll address your points one by one:
To address your first point, I will put it in a statement that a preacher from India once made, “The Church of Jesus Christ is the only club on Earth that exists for the benefit of non-members”
Lest we forget Christ’s commission just before he left, it was to spread the world and make sure people receive it and so part of the Christian journey is dealing with people such as myself and naysayers and people who doubt and people who question, its part and parcel of it, I might not know much about the faith, but I think you and I both know that this comes with taking up the cross.
I don’t remember Christ ever saying that we should not question. Indeed he did say he was the truth but, on this I might be wrong, tell me where Jesus said he is the truth and as such we shouldn’t question and we should blindly accept. I’ve read the Bible quite extensively and I don’t remember that but again I might be wrong.
What is the difference between joy and happiness please explain? I would like to understand where you’re coming from with your definitions.
I agree that not everyone who says they are born again acts as though they are. In fact in my experience a huge proportion of people who say they are born again do not follow the principles of Christianity – they hate, they gossip, they lie etc etc etc – and some even do so unapologetically using all sorts of justifications so on that I agree.
That last question is a very very very odd question as per my understanding of Christianity. Again going back to the first statement, Christianity has never been based on individuals believing they themselves to the best of their ability within their vacuum, its always been about reaching out, loving and embracing everyone else.
That’s why when Christ would convert a city would move on to the next city, to convert the next city. Again, I don’t know much, but this I do know about the Church of the carpenter from Nazareth, its never ever been about the individual its always been about loving one’s neighbours and loving God.
The reason I “waste my time” is because I love the Church and I love its members, sure I might be an agnostic, but I love the Church and its members and they are a part of my soul and a man can’t do much throughout his life but express what’s in his soul and Christianity is in there and will probably always be.
So, sorry to disappoint but my agnostic/ Christian loving/ kinda doubting musings shall always exist and will probably be the milder side of the conversations that one must have when they take up their cross.
Thanks for stopping by, it was good to see you again.
Mwangi
This is what i meant by:
(a) “Take my advice, leave the Christ things along, until you are truly born again”
Knowing God, as in being born again is not something to be learned through study. You generally cannot study enough and then say ” i have studied enough, i am born again”. Rather, it is suddenly having a spiritual light-bulb go on and you saying “Gee, i believe what the Bible claims about Christ and sin, and i am today accepting that i am a sinner and that Christ’s death was for the forgiveness of my sins. Christ, forgive me. I will henceforth listen to you as pertains to how i should live my life.
Now, question as much as you want, and there is nothing wrong, the problem is, if you dwell so much on questioning and philosophizing on what the Bible says etc, there is always a tendency to disbelieve. Rarely do those who follow this path get enlightened and find the Truth. ( I know we have grown up and been taught to question everything, especially if you are science oriented in your thinking) but somehow it rarely works in the Christian domain. Think about it: if the only way to come to Christ was through this method of studying and questioning and debating and philosophizing, then the uneducated people who have no such disposition and methodologies would never be able to come to the “truth”. But God leveled the playing field, and made it a mater of belief, so that any soul can know the Truth( ie Christ). You no doubt have read “Unless you become like little children, you can not inherit the kingdom of God”. Now, you know that children hardly have the mental capability to engage in philosophies, etc. But, they are humble, easily believe and take things by “faith”. Do you see what i mean?
So, are you predisposed to seek the truth. If your search is a genuine humble search for meaning in life, then bu all means continue, you shall on day be born again. But if you search is based on pride ( e.g. i could do better than these born again ) or the way the Bible explains being born again is too simple for me, there must be a better way, then i am afraid you will miss it.
(b) “Christ never promised Christians happiness. Joy yes.” and on your asking “What is the difference between joy and happiness please explain? ”
See my post here for explanation: http://kenya.fm/?p=48
(d) “If you do not believe it, then, why do you waste time discussing issues dealing with it.”
meaning, if you do not believe the Bible as is (i know there are many variations etc, which complicates the matter), why spend time raising discussions on it. Just as i claim in (a), such tone of biblical discussions hardly lead to the truth.
Consider this: if you wanted to know what Shakespeare really meant by what he wrote, what is the best way to discover that? Ask him, of course. So, what is the best way to understand what the Bible means? Ask the Bible’s author, of course.
The author of the Bible is the Holy Spirit. So, ask the Holy Spirit. But where will you find the Holy Spirit? You could make a trip to heaven. Impossible. Or, you coudl ask Him and He will come speak to you ( live in you. He is a spirit, he has to live somewhere, you know ). But for Him to come to you, you must first be born again. But for you to be born again, you must believe, by faith, by faith, by faith that “God so loved Mwangi that He gave His only son Jesus Christ to die for Mwangi, that if Mwangi believes in Him, Mwangi will be born again and have eternal life”.
See? It always goes back to the belief thing. Belief, my friend, not understanding or great reasoning or philosophizing. That is always the starting point. Belief, by Faith. The verse does not say “if Mwangi discovers the truth, he shall be born again and have peace in life”. The being born again is the first step in knowing the truth. Not the other way round.
What am i saying? That you can never truly understand the Bible unless you are born again!
I know this may surprise you and maybe even anger some of my Christian brothers. (That is why i had sometimes back tried to discouraged you from leading a Bible study. )
@kenya fm: If all it takes is a question to be asked for truth to be disproven then it never really was the truth was it. I might know much but you and I can fight until the cows come home but every morning the sun will rise in the East and set in the West, that is truth no matter how you slice it. O will always be equivalent to nothing in mathematics. A man and a woman having sex will always result in the birth of another male. If all it takes is a question for the answer to be doubt, then perhaps what we have isn’t the whole truth……..
Lest we forget the source of our curiosity and the source of our quest for perfection of truth. It wasn’t us, that came from on high. We weren’t taught to be curious, we are born curious. As a child, you were curious about everything.
You speak about the faith of a child. The faith of a child isn’t because children don’t question and explore, you and I both know children do that. Its because they trust other people and their parents and saw believe what they tell them, so even in the metaphor about kids that allows room for curiosity…like a child.
I didn’t say truth seeking is the only way we come to cross but truth is truth is truth and can stand up to any scrutiny.
I agree on the point of d), it is rather redundant and not constructive for me to go over the same points over and over and over again. lest we forget though, this article wasn’t about Christianity it was about a TED talk that I saw.
No denying that faith is a quintessential cornerstone but that faith without actions (of which one is acting in truth) is dead.
Mwangi
Do we agree there are two ( perhaps three ) truths:
(i)physical truth and (ii) “why am i alive?”-type of truth.
Mathematics and Science have to do with seeking physical truth (deductions, observations of nature-which by the way, any physicist will tell you you can never truly be certain about anything, but that is beside the point, etc)
But i guess what everyone is really interested in (even that TED Talk, which i did not listen to i guess, from the summary you provided ) is ultimately the ultimate truth: is there a God?, why i am alive, i am even conscious?, why do i do to be happy? Is hat all there is to it, why is there no peace on earth? etc.
Now, my premise, is that that sort of truth is revealed truth ( and one must therefore presuppose a bigger being beyond the searcher doing the revelation. Who is that being? We could go on and on and in circles about this, as philosophers do ) , BUT
I believe that the ultimate truth is a person, one Jesus Christ ( I can not prove it to you, no Christian can prove it to you, it is not provable, it is a faith thing, the same way i can not prove to you that i love a certain Judith, say ). I believe, that in being born again, one gets that truth, and all (99%) of the world’s puzzles fit together.
Children and Faith
-True, children generally trust the grown ups, and especially parents, and trust that they cannot lie and therefore believe their word (until of course that trust is broken). Same way: We are to be like children, believe that the Lord God of Abraham, Isaac and Jacob can not lie, and therefore we take His word and believe all He says.
That brings us to: Does He exists? You answer that for yourself. If He exists, is he the only God? Again, you decide. And, supposing He is the only God, do you believe He is a good Father who can not lie? That is also a personal matter for your own discovery and decision. Or, say you believe all that, but then another question pops up: is the Bible, as is, His word? Did someone tamper with it? Only you can answer that question for yourself.
Anyway, Mwangi, it is again plain that we never see eye to eye on this faith thing. As for the Happiness thing, any reasonable observant person will tell you happiness is a fleeting thing and a life dedicated to its pursuit is bound to lead to great misery and disappointment, for it is a chasing after the wind.
Herein i rest. Adios Amigos
@kenya fm: On your last statement, allow me to say, that everyone, including the man in the video, agrees with you. The pursuit of “pleasant emotions” will ultimately never be a fulfilled one and neither will the pursuit of happiness. Happiness must be a result of engaging in something greater than yourself is what the video and a lot of literature says.
You are right, we will probably never ever see eye to eye on this one. Though you shouldn’t forget if people of faith never questioned, the Pentecostal movement, which holds as one of its core beliefs that the Holy Spirit reveals truth to you would never exist and neither would the protestant movement unless Martin Luther was willing to question the way people related to God.
Again, twas nice to see you……..
[…] The Precise Mathematical Formula For a Happy Life […]
Hello Mwangi,
Interesting post you have here on Happiness. I would just like to add some thoughts on this.
One of the reasons why we never experience Happiness is due to the belief that we are Perfect. When one believes that they are perfect, they never seek out what will make them happy since they assume they are already happy. This belief in perfection is based on what is called Narcissism. There are many types of Narcissism out there i.e. belief that one is like God and needs no improvement. Narcissistic beliefs are based on paranoia, superiority feelings and belief in ones inherent perfection. In general, that one is better than other people. This belief could actually just be a cover up for feelings of cowardice or inferiority.
You have to remember that we all have ‘real’ identities. By this I mean that we have identities that were given to us by God based on what we came here to do on this earth. One of our jobs is discovering what these identities are. In the old days it was simple, we simply entered the family business and continued on with the work of our ancestors. Today, some idiot came up with the idea that anybody can be what they wish to be. Anybody they say can be Michael Jackson, Michael Jordan, Obama or even Bush. That’s not true. We are all born to pursue certain arenas and not just any. That’s why people had stuff like astrology in the old days. It helped people find out exactly what they should do based on their family legacy.
Lakini today, people have no identities really. The old family legacies have been destroyed and instead, we have been given new identities based on nation, continent/history (true or false) and city/school. It is these new identities that have caused havoc in our lives leading to great unhappiness. They all involve a sense of perfection in them.
The nation identity makes people have a sense of inferiority is some way. You have to realize that the nation identity is related to the women of ones country. You find that many men compare their nations to others to see if they are better or not. Why is this? Because of their women. In just about every country which has the British system of rule, the women look down on their men. The men then seek to make themselves feel better by looking down on other men of other nations. Basically, a power trip. People on a power trip are always unhappy especially when someone they view as being inferior does better than them. This is mostly via comparing other men based on physical looks. Can you imagine that? Men today compare each other based on physical looks to see who is superior or inferior to them. Yaani watu wamekuwa mashoga ki-plani. In reality, it should be the other way round. Men should compare themselves based on their women. If you have a good girlfriend who is intelligent and beautiful, you can floss her around to others. This is because issues of country and women are highly interrelated. The way people think of their own country is based on the way they think of their women. You therefore find ‘Kenyans’ who hate Kenya really hate Kenyan women.
Then you have the continental/historical identity that is based on perfection based on morality issues. People look at their history and see if they have done anything wrong. They then compare themselves to others out there to see if they are better people than others. Nothing wrong with that, after all, its one of the criteria used when you want to marry someone. Look into their family history to see if they have thieves, mogorokis etc. in the family tree. If they do, you toroka. However today, this identity is used to prevent us from being religious. A belief that by comparing ourselves to others and coming out better, that we are perfect human beings morally and do not have to do anything to improve ourselves. Yet in reality, it is God who decided if we are perfect all not and hence the need for religion in ones life. Today, this identity for someone like you is the African identity. The belief that to ‘endelea’, you have to exploit somebody. But as an African, one views themselves only as an exploited person and then believe that you are morally better than others since historically, Africans have not exploited others. It is this sense of moral perfection that prevents Africans from developing themselves due to the belief that to develop means exploiting others. Realize that there are many ways of becoming developed but the British way does involve exploiting others. They call it Capitalism. There are other development ideologies out there and Africa has some of the best if you bother to look. Read up anything by a Ghanaian scholar known as George Ayittey to see what I mean.
Then you have the city/school identity which makes us have a sense of perfection based on personality. We compare ourselves to people from different cities and then conclude that Nairobi guys are the most stylistic, fashionable, ladies men etc. This even goes deeper by comparing ourselves based on the schools we attended where we assume that if someone went to Strathmore or Alliance, they are chops while those from other schools are not. This also is about university issues. You therefore find that if someone went to Harvard or Stanford, they see themselves as being superior to others especially intellectually and they do not bother improving themselves. Its why if you look around, you will find that later on in life, the people who succeeded the most are not those who went to these top schools. Sometimes it is even those who never went to school at all. Going to these schools makes some people believe they are perfect especially intelligently and they never bother to improve themselves. Hence they never achieve anything greater than their academic qualifications. In reality, this should be all about personal development. Most people fail to realize that becoming successful is about developing ones personality and not about ‘achieving’ success by planning. Meaning this, if you wish to become something great, look at the personality involved in becoming that great person and then adopt that personality. If you wish to become a great businessman, you want to adopt a hustler personality. Instead of planning what you are going to accomplish by putting dates to goals etc., simply develop the hustler personality. Think like a hustler, walk like a hustler, talk like a hustler, dress like a hustler na kadhalika. When you do, you automatically become a great businessman.
Having said all that, realize that of course there are two main fears we have with respect to identity issues. The fear of struggling and the fear of ridicule. These two fears are basically programmed into the identities we choose meaning that all identities have these two fears. You cannot escape them. Every identity has these two fears. The reason being that it is our identities that determine our achievements, accomplishments and successes on this earth. They also determine the advancement of civilization. Meaning this, when you attempt to do something and do not succeed, it disturbs you and you desire to try again. The issues of disturbance have to do with the two fears I mentioned and leads to the advancement of civilization.
Now, there is something else to mention. That which pertains to work and issues of perfection. The main way which we deal with issues of perfection is via work. We desire inherently to be perfect in the work we do. We therefore must apply ourselves to it with all our efforts. Lakini today we see a different storo. The first being that people who actually work are seen as being bozos. It is believed that it is actually stupid to work hard to achieve success since everybody is always looking for a shortcut to success. Things like the 4-hour week are all about seeking shortcuts to success. Even if one did succeed, one would not achieve happiness and satisfaction. Its like getting easy mdinyo. Never satisfies one, just leaves one even with a bitter taste to their mouths. It is via work that we achieve our greatest happiness. Making money honestly and through hardwork. In the western world though, you find that success is achieved through shortcuts mainly i.e. being lucky and winning the jackpot, knowing someone with the right connections or basically turning to stealing, robbing etc. That’s how 90% of people n the western world succeed. The other 10% do it via hardwork lakini you never hear of them because they don’t bling bling. After all, if they do, they will simply attract thieves and robbers and golddiggers.
Also note that work requires us to deal with our perfection issues. Meaning this, our false identities require us to see ourselves as being perfect. In work, we have to face our limitations and see ourselves as being imperfect. Many people therefore fear chasing their dreams and goals due to this fear of seeing themselves as being imperfect. Seeing oneself as being imperfect means that one should be abused and ridiculed and one should take it because they are imperfect and apparently everybody else is perfect. Not only that, it makes them feel angry, shameful and guilty. States/feelings that most people work overtime to avoid.
When you view yourself as being perfect, you automatically develop anger. You become angry without knowing why. Obviously, this is not your anger but Gods anger. Only he says who is perfect or not. You therefore find that people who seek perfection in themselves are always angry. When one is angry, one automatically develops the following negative states i.e. frustration, depression and confusion. As a result, such people fear trying anything because when one is in the above states i.e. basically angry, one cannot think clearly and winds up doing irrational things. Therefore, if one is angry always, one can be said to be always irrational and therefore lacking intelligence. Another reason why people who view themselves as being perfect fear trying anything. They believe they may expose themselves for not being the perfect intelligent beings they view themselves as being. They therefore prefer to daydream about how they sill succeed one day rather than try.
Realize that our identities automatically make us not only angry, but also shameful and filled with guilt. The African identity teaches you that you are a primitive being who does nothing for society. Add to that, it tells you that you survive only with the help of white people. It therefore fills you with shame and guilt at the same time. Automatically you develop the fear of struggling and ridicule. Fear of struggling because when you feel guilty or shamed, you find it hard to be motivated about anything. “Maisha ni ngumu’ is what such people say. They find even the act of waking up difficult in itself. They therefore never attempt to do anything because of the confusion, frustration and anger/depression they feel. Some do attempt to succed but they always fail because the system is set up against them. You will find a few ‘succesful’ blacks someweher up there but they have just been put for show to fool the others that the system is really fair. And as I said before, when you try and fail at something, you are driven to try again due to the shameful feelings one has. The thing with shame, anger and guilt is that they never go until ‘avenges’ them. Therefore if you failed once, you try again hoping to succeed. If you do not, you try again. That’s how civilization moves forward. Lakini, if you are an African in the Western world, even if you try, you will always fail due to the system being against you. However, because you do not know this, you keep on trying but never succeeding. This just makes one angry and they keep on trying and that’s why many Africans never leave the west when they get there. They get stuck in a trial of trying and failing. They do not want to leave because they believe if they do, they are failures. Others will ridicule them. They just don’t realize that the system is against them. They think it is totally fair and equality is a reality in the west. Yet, not even close. The west is the most unfair, discriminatory and unequal place in the world. As an African, you can succeed just about everywhere than in the west. Just knowing that the system is totally discriminatory is enough for one to just give up and move on to other things.
So, the thing is that you have to let go of these identities that are messing you up. Let go off them. You have to create new identities especially those that don’t need women too much. That’s why I was telling you to choose the hustler identity.
Realize something else, a human is a programmable being. Ever heard the saying “rubbish in, rubbish out”? That’s a human. You can program it with just about any identity. The best identities are those that match our genetic history. Meaning that if your ancestors were warriors or traders, it’s best to following their line of work. That’s where you will achieve most success and happiness. You have to adapt the old identities and make them new. If your ancestors were warriors, enter the security business in any for, From private detective to army personnel. You look as if your ancestors were involved in the trades. Trades of all sorts. Therefore, you can seek opportunity in any of the gazillion trades that exist. That’s what a hustler is all about, being a jack of all trades.
In short, you have to debrainwash yourself from these identities that have been programmed into you. The first way is to switch off the TV. It creates your African identity for you. It basically ridicules you and makes you believe that for an African, life is about struggling. The next is to avoid crazy women. Meaning you have to avoid most communal things kabisa. Stay away from Kenyan women, they will mess you up and hate to see you succeed. They are all trying to get a msungu to marry them while they go around screaming Kenyan pride. They are pretty much hopeless. The third is to avoid men who are into the yuppie culture. They are the worst since they spend their times hating on each other and are always angry 24/7 thinking about sex. Should you succeed, they will attempt to destroy your success.
Realize there is a difference between Msungu who creates the African identity for you, black women who create the Kenyan identity for you and black men and the Nairobian identity. The Msungu will destroy you. He fears that others will see that you have succeeded which will result in them/msungu facing competition. Meaning he may try to kill you unless he is the one that made you successful in the first place under affirmative action or something like that. That’s why when they hear about a successful African, they wonder if he was educated in their universities. They like to claim all African success as their own. Realize though that not all Msungus are like this. Despite what you have heard, the best msungus are in North America, although you do find the ‘discriminatory’ ones who are recent immigrants. Msungus in Europe are mostly stupid and behave kind of dumb. The black woman will attempt to steal your success. I can tell you that all stealing, robbery etc. in the western world has a woman behind it. They don’t work hawa ngamia, all they do is steal or basically live off credit. The black man will attempt to destroy your success. Meaning if you set up a company, they will try and burn it down. Realize this, that these fears are very real in the western world. If you succeed, the above three could very well happen to you especially if people know your biz. That’s why people who make it in the West suffer from anxiety. The fear of success is one of the main reasons why people never succeed. For you, just being in the West is seen as success by some who could attempt to get you deported. Hence the anxiety you may feel without knowing why.
The way to stop this is to get out of that world. Meaning this, you can live in that country but not be part of the ‘western world’ which is a media centric world. By switching off the TV, you have begun the change process. Second, you have to change your identities. Realize this as I said above, the human body is very much like a computer. Garbage in = garbage out. It’s that simple. A man who listens to Jazz thinks differently from one who listens to Hip hop. It’s that simple. You are a programmable being who is always being programmed by your environment. The media, the women, the men and even environment you are in. For instance living in a physical environment with tigers in it, will lead you to behave in a manner different from living in an environment with bunnies in it. The women you know will shape how you see yourself. The men you know will shape how others see you. Your religion will shape how God sees you. Today, your religion is the media which shapes the way you believe God sees you i.e. as an African.
Realize that its women who mostly put into you a fear of being ridiculed. They will try to mess you up in everything you do. Men put into you mainly a fear of struggling. If you do not know the cool guys, you will not get a good job etc. The media puts into you both fears.
All in all I am saying, get the hell out of that environment. You may believe that it is cowardly to run away from that environment. Many men have that fear. That if they avoid that environment, they were not man enough to make it. Realize as I said though, the system works against you and you will never really make it. By that I mean you will never succeed by how they define success i.e. money, fame, celebrity, lots of sex etc. In reality, realize that people who live in that environment are not mentally stable. Wote ni wagoroki to some extent. They don’t act like civilized human beings. Get new identities and move on to new success. The reason why most people never escape that world is because they do not know how to survive outside that world. They somewhat become retarded by living in that world. Meaning that they lack natural intelligence. If you look at that world, you will see that people are always being told what to do. Always being controlled by someone. Put such people in a world where they have to depend on themselves and they are kabisa lost. So, it is true that one cannot easily leave that world without new identities. So, as a help, here are some books you may wish to read on succeeding outside that world.
1. Religious identity: The person we really are. Tupa African identity mbali mbali sana. I had said that you should choose the Kikuyu identity. Ama, read into traditional forms of Protestantism. It is protestant work ethic that built America. However, learning about Kikuyu religion is difficult so I would suggest you read up on Calvinism. It is the form of Protestantism most closest to Kikuyu religion.
2. Intrapersonal identity: This is the way you see yourself. Instead of letting women judge you, become a hustler. That’s how you should see yourself. Read up on books by Robert Greene, the author of the ‘art of seduction’. Try finding similar books by other authors. Also read up on Mau Mau history.
3. Interpersonal identity: This is the way others see you. Instead of letting others judge you by your buddies, let others see you as a Swahili or Jazz musician. Read up on Jazz, listen to it, copy their dress modes etc. As I said, if you do, people will view you as being intelligent even if you are not. Yet again, doing so will make you intelligent since Jazz is a very intellectual artform.
4. Somatic being: This is your physical identity. It should match your physical environment. Meaning that there is no use of dressing up in a suit if you live in the forests. As I said before, here you want to be a Makanga due to the fact that you live in western cities. Of course, realize that the Makanga identity is the one you use when dealing with people whom you do not really know. For instance when walking down the streets. If you happen to meet someone you know, you become a jazzman. Yet again, being a Makanga is like adopting the personality of a Rastafarian. Something tells me you like reggae.
Mix the above 4 with what I had written on self-confidence, self-esteem etc. How you do that is part of being imaginative and has to do with developing a unique personality. Realize doing this will make you attractive to the women in the western world. See how many of them like dues with rastas on them? They seek out men like that for having fun and intimacy which means you can easily manipulate them as you wish. Not only that, adopt the above changes and you automatically become happy.
Realize that should you make the above changes, people will see you as being a sell out. You know how people hate sell outs. Funny thing is that it is seen today that escaping the above three false identities I.e. national etc. is a form of selling out. Ati that’s whom you really are. Hence the importance of the Makanga personality. It can easily fool people into believing that you are still legit meaning it will lead them to believe that you are still Kenyan but have dropped out of the race to “succeed”. In reality you have your own private biasharas going on.
Switch off the TV kijana and start living.
Someone told me about this site and I just had to check it out for myself. Glad I did 🙂
@Wally: Thanks for the kind words. Hope I can be of service 😀